1. There is no bad time for sex – This includes at, or during family gatherings, while the kids are awake, while they are asleep, while they are watching TV in the next room, in the morning when I am running late (I can always catch the next bus), or …. There really is no bad time for sex.
2. Yes, a hand job is always acceptable if you are too tired to fuck me or suck me. It is appropriate while we drive, watch a movie, or wait for our order at Starbucks
3. Swallowing does not make you a slut.
4. Talking dirty does not make you dirty. It is OK to admit that you are going to cum, you have just cum, or that you really want to cum.
5. Being horny is OK.
6. Asking for sex is a wonderful gesture, and it makes me feel that you find me desirable.
7. Yes, doing it doggie style does make your butt look big, that is why I like it.
8. I do not need to, or really want to, cum on your face, in your hair, or in your eyes, but don’t act like it is radioactive either, even if a little bit ends up on your stomach, chest, thigh, or, heaven forbid, the sheets.
9. Sex is supposed to be messy sometimes. If I ask you to pull out the cheap sheets, and baby oil, go with it.
10. I’m OK if you look taller than me at the Christmas party. I bought you the 4” stilettos for a reason.
11. You will not get in a car crash today, so it’s OK to go without underwear.
12. I bought you lingerie because I think you look good in it., and yes, because it makes you look sexy, and frankly, a little slutty, but the video camera is off and I’m not telling the neighbors, so you can take off your floor length robe now.
13. Fucking with the lights on is wonderful.
14. There is never “enough” sex, I will want you pretty much all the time, when you are tired, hungry, hung-over, sick, busy, tired, cranky, on your period or off, at 4 PM as much as at 4:00 AM. Get used to it.
15. I love touching you, please don’t pull away. Not every touch, caress, fondle or grope means I want sex, it just mean it just means that I find you attractive.
16. The trampoline is a perfectly legitimate location for sex. I planted the tall trees and built the fence for a reason.
17. You have some exceptionally beautiful friends. I’m going to notice. Please don’t get too upset.
18. I will wake up hard and huge almost every morning. It is my favorite erection of the day. Please take advantage.
19. Being sexually aggressive, going for your own orgasm, taking control of the situation, is incredibly, wonderfully sexy. Please act on it more often.
20. Yes, I wanted to have sex with your sister, but that was before I met you, and I no longer want to. She’s turned out to be a whinny little bitch anyway.
21. I want to have sex with women at work, but I will not, because I love you. I would love to have sex with you at work. My door has a lock.
22. I want to have sex with you because I love you. You also happen to make me very horny.
23. When I tell you that I love your smile, your butt, your breasts, your pussy, the way you taste, the way you smell, the look on your face when you cum, the way you try to stay quiet during sex, believe me and don’t insult yourself or brush it off. Accept my compliment, kiss me, and get back to fucking.
24. I love to masturbate, I really do. This has almost nothing to do with how I feel about you. It feels good; it’s easy, fun, and quick. Don’t feel like you have to compete.
25. I would rather have sex with you than with myself.
26. Making love to you helps me love you.
27. Having sex makes me feel loved, accepted, and safe.
28. The more we have sex the less I look at porn.
29. I have stopped looking at porn (mostly) because you asked me too, not because I don’t like it. Please give me credit for making the decision. Don’t argue with my motives. I will always like porn.
30. I love you madly, so it kills me when you reject me sexually, it really rips me a apart.
31. If I ask you to try something different, it does not mean that I am bored, it means I am trying not to get bored.
32. Your pathological fear of being tied up, even playfully, worries me. I wonder if someone has hurt you in the past.
33. The one time we had anal sex you loved it, it was one of the biggest orgasm we have ever shared. Why can’t we do it again?
34. Please masturbate. Prove to me that you want sex enough to take it for yourself.
35. A few years ago I was hoping that you were having an affair. I wanted to know that you wanted sex with someone, even if it wasn’t me, then, maybe you would want sex with me eventually.
36. I cheated on you because I felt lonely, rejected, and un-needed. So I had those needs met by someone else. The way she smiled when she saw me, the way she would flirt and laugh, and beg for me to meet her in the break room so she could show me her panties was a rush that I wish I got from you.
37. I will not hit on our cute babysitter. She’s only 16 for goodness sakes. I want some tail, but not jail.
38. I want you to look forward to having sex with me, not resigned to it.
39. I want to have sex that lasts more than the 10 minutes you give me at the end of a long and very tiring day, I want to make sex a priority, a passion, something to look forward to, to plan for, to anticipate. I want to know that you are looking forward to having my cock inside you.
40. I want you to see me and say, “Wow, I want to suck that dick. I want him to fuck me, I want to get fucked, I want to cum. I want you to want me. I need you to need me.
41. 69 is one of my favorite positions, please remember that and climb aboard.
42. I think it is cool that you like your vibrator, I love using it with you, on you, and knowing that you have it. Watching you cum is one of my favorite things, I don’t care how we get there.
43. When the bedroom door is locked, and the kids are asleep, it is OK to use the word “fuck”
44. I know you talk about me with your girlfriends, just be nice and add 2” to what ever you say.
45. Lisa is hot because she goes to the gym, if I see her there and notice that fact, please don’t get upset.
46. No, I don’t like wearing clothes, and yes, if I could be naked more I would be, but the people at my office complain too much.
47. My nipples are not made of glass, rough ‘em up a little.
48. Yes, your sister-in-law dresses like a whore, but no, it is not a turn on. It was 15 years and 30 pounds ago, but not now. She is a cow in a hooker suit.
49. I wonder if you were abused as a child. You seem to be afraid of many things.
50. There are days when I hate being married to you. Those days scare me because I really love you.
51. If we ever divorce, I’m taking $10,000 and spending it all on beautiful hookers who will do what ever I want.
52. Please, at lease, pretend to like it more, I’m very delusional. If that is what it takes, I can pretend too.
53. My mom and dad didn’t have sex for the final 28 years of their lives. That is unacceptable. If you won’t fuck me, I will find someone who will, but I don’t want to. I want to fuck you.