We don't see a lot of faces on the Internet. At least not on the blogs I read about infidelity, cheating, adultery, and various sexual shenanigans. A few people are brave enough to post their face, they live out loud, and they proclaim their sexuality boldly. Most of us, most of us are here because of the anonymity, because we can hide while speaking our minds.
The creation of HNT takes anonymity in an interesting direction. We show our bodies, legs, nipples, shoulders, backs, and even the occasional coochie, but rarely the face. A face is real, a face is us, a face cannot be denied or disowned. When you show your face you show yourself, and take ownership of what you have written. When you show your face, you have to come out of hiding.
About a month and a half ago one of my favorite HNT posters included a link to some of the original art work that went into making a composite picture that was eventually posted. It linked to a Picasa library and in that library was a picture of her face. She was beautiful. She is beautiful. Her HNT pictures are wonderful, but to see her face, her smile, her bright eyes, was a real treat.
I sent her an e-mail, however, mentioning that she may want to check the security on her photo library. I believe the disclosure of her face was unintentional. In fact, she did not believe me at first when I told her that I had seen it. I don't know how I got in to the library when others couldn't, but I wanted her to know so she could take action to protect her identity. After bouncing a couple of e-mails back and forth, including with the face in question attached, she realized that I really had seen her picture and by the next day her face was gone. As I promised her in an e-mail, I deleted the picture of her face, wanting to protect her identity as a fellow blogger. She never wrote back after that. Her face was gone, and so was she.
More recently, as a fellow blogger and I have become better friends, she told me that her birthday was coming up. We joked about what gifts I could give her even though sending it to her might be a problem since I don't actually know where she lives. She joked about getting a picture. Now, I don't do HNT, and believe me you are grateful that I don't. But the idea of sending her a picture, though hundreds of miles away from each other, set my nerves spinning.
No one in my real life knows about this blog. No one knows that I even think this way. The discovery of this blog would be devastating on many relationships. No one even knows about the e-mail address I use for this blog. It is a private matter and I hope that it stays that way.
Sending a picture through e-mail links my face to everything. As I stood on this idea for a couple of days, her birthday arrived, and in a wonderful gesture, she sent an e-mail to me, with her picture of her face. I had seen pictures of her body, her legs, so I knew she was beautiful, but I was not prepared for the emotional impact of seeing her face. It almost made me cry. Not only does her face match the physical beauty of her body, sending the picture was an act of trust that impacted me greatly.
This friend, this wonderful woman, keeping a blog of her own, without any request from me, send me a picture, "outed" herself as the woman behind the words. I was deeply touched.
I tried to express this in a return e-mail but I don't think it came out right. It was an amazing gesture of friendship and trust for her to send that picture to me.
So then I had to think. Did I trust her enough to send a picture back? Was I willing to tie myself, my face, to the things I have written down? If all of my paranoid fantasies came true my blog would be discovered, I would deny it, and this friend would send a photo, saying that it was him I know it, because he sent me his face.
It brought up all sorts of feelings about my blog, my inability to speak honestly to many of my friends, the double life I lead at the emotional level, and it even made me think about how I would defend myself if my picture surfaced at work in relation to this blog. (I know that is a clumsy way to say it, but I'm not taking time to edit here tonight.)
In the end, after much searching, I found a picture of myself that I actually liked and sent it to her. I had the e-mail composed and my finger poised over the send button for many minutes before I had the courage to click.
She had become my friend, is my friend, and I trust her to keep my secrets as I keep hers. It's a good feeling.
The creation of HNT takes anonymity in an interesting direction. We show our bodies, legs, nipples, shoulders, backs, and even the occasional coochie, but rarely the face. A face is real, a face is us, a face cannot be denied or disowned. When you show your face you show yourself, and take ownership of what you have written. When you show your face, you have to come out of hiding.
About a month and a half ago one of my favorite HNT posters included a link to some of the original art work that went into making a composite picture that was eventually posted. It linked to a Picasa library and in that library was a picture of her face. She was beautiful. She is beautiful. Her HNT pictures are wonderful, but to see her face, her smile, her bright eyes, was a real treat.
I sent her an e-mail, however, mentioning that she may want to check the security on her photo library. I believe the disclosure of her face was unintentional. In fact, she did not believe me at first when I told her that I had seen it. I don't know how I got in to the library when others couldn't, but I wanted her to know so she could take action to protect her identity. After bouncing a couple of e-mails back and forth, including with the face in question attached, she realized that I really had seen her picture and by the next day her face was gone. As I promised her in an e-mail, I deleted the picture of her face, wanting to protect her identity as a fellow blogger. She never wrote back after that. Her face was gone, and so was she.
More recently, as a fellow blogger and I have become better friends, she told me that her birthday was coming up. We joked about what gifts I could give her even though sending it to her might be a problem since I don't actually know where she lives. She joked about getting a picture. Now, I don't do HNT, and believe me you are grateful that I don't. But the idea of sending her a picture, though hundreds of miles away from each other, set my nerves spinning.
No one in my real life knows about this blog. No one knows that I even think this way. The discovery of this blog would be devastating on many relationships. No one even knows about the e-mail address I use for this blog. It is a private matter and I hope that it stays that way.
Sending a picture through e-mail links my face to everything. As I stood on this idea for a couple of days, her birthday arrived, and in a wonderful gesture, she sent an e-mail to me, with her picture of her face. I had seen pictures of her body, her legs, so I knew she was beautiful, but I was not prepared for the emotional impact of seeing her face. It almost made me cry. Not only does her face match the physical beauty of her body, sending the picture was an act of trust that impacted me greatly.
This friend, this wonderful woman, keeping a blog of her own, without any request from me, send me a picture, "outed" herself as the woman behind the words. I was deeply touched.
I tried to express this in a return e-mail but I don't think it came out right. It was an amazing gesture of friendship and trust for her to send that picture to me.
So then I had to think. Did I trust her enough to send a picture back? Was I willing to tie myself, my face, to the things I have written down? If all of my paranoid fantasies came true my blog would be discovered, I would deny it, and this friend would send a photo, saying that it was him I know it, because he sent me his face.
It brought up all sorts of feelings about my blog, my inability to speak honestly to many of my friends, the double life I lead at the emotional level, and it even made me think about how I would defend myself if my picture surfaced at work in relation to this blog. (I know that is a clumsy way to say it, but I'm not taking time to edit here tonight.)
In the end, after much searching, I found a picture of myself that I actually liked and sent it to her. I had the e-mail composed and my finger poised over the send button for many minutes before I had the courage to click.
She had become my friend, is my friend, and I trust her to keep my secrets as I keep hers. It's a good feeling.
9 comments:
I understand your desire to keep the blog anonymous. My choice for not doing HNT's and such was a bit different.
I hope she keeps secrets as well as you do!
:)
Friends are great aren't they? Well written post. I have struggled to stay somewhat anonymous with HNT...I am always tempted to show more. This is ME! MY BLOG! Yet, caution and discretion are a must...
I'm totally with you on the anonymity and secrecy of your blog from your real life. Like you,l my e-mail and blog is top secret that no one is allowed to know about.
Not sure what I would have done about the photo thing, had I been in your place. Fact is I don't think there's anyway of knowing what's 'right' since the circumstances of the friendship are utterly unique and thus what was the appropriate response is similarly unique.
I wonder if the exchange of photos doesn't mark some kind of escalation in your friendship, though? A first step. . .?
I've attempted to remain relatively anonymous, as my online life is not known to anyone in my offline life.
I have recently come to blogspot because my previous blog home has closed. A few people from that world had seen my picture - we used to have "Cleavage Fridays" over there. *chuckles* And a few even saw my face.
But I'm very familiar with the trepidation that you describe. My husband's potential reaction or feelings if he were to find out are always in the back of my head. I'm sure I've crossed the line as far as what he would consider to be acceptable, but at least he's still part of the decision process in my head, right?
Have a wonderful weekend!
I shared your need for anonymity and did not participating in HNT until last week. If people who know me see that picture, they'll know it was me. Yet I also feel like you in that I keep my blogger identity secret in real life. I can't get the words/emotions right face to face, but there's something liberating in the written word. To have someone hold that anonymity in trust; as I have with one RL friend, as you have with one Online friend, is dangerous, but enriches us - maybe is a gateway to have our comfort in expression travel over to our day to day selves, both on and offline.
Gray
What are your reasons for missing out on HNT?
Missy
Caution and Discretion are the life blood of the Internet. None of us want to be caught out here on our own.... And YES, I love my on-line friends.
Leonhart
It felt "right" to send her the picture. I think that beyond the flirting, the fun, and the teasing, that we have become real friends. Now, is the picture an escalation? Yes, because we've demonstrated trust in a real way. Is it a "first step" to a real world relationship? I don't think so. (1) We live hundreds of miles away from each other, (2) we are both involved with others, and (3) I don't think I could keep up with her.... :-)
Cheeks
I'm so glad you stopped by! It's always nice to see new names in the comments section. My wife is always a part of the decision making in my head, but my head doesn't listen to her very well.
Topaz
I thought your first HNT was very hot. Well done. What is it about the picture that would identify you so quickly? If people I know in real life read my blog long enough, it wouldn't be hard to "out" me, pictures or not. And, like you, I get the words right on screen when I can't get them out of my mouth.
Thanks for the great thoughts everyone
Have a great weekend!!!
That's wonderful that you have found a friend that you trust here.
I have a blog that is not anonymous... I show my face and all of my family and friends have the link. The blog that you managed to find is a different story, however. I keep it anonymous, not because I am afraid of being judged by the people who read; I just wanted a safe place to vent where my family wouldn't get their feelings hurt. Plus I thought I'd feel more at liberty to say exactly what I was thinking if nobody knew who I was. I made an exception and invited four friends that I had met through my non-anonymous place and they have all been so supportive of me, I just feel blessed to have met such great people. My experience with those blog friends has been so positive that I have sent a picture to one reader here since and invited two others to my non-anonymous blog. It feels wonderful to bond and develop trusting friendships... I have no regrets.
I liked this post, Advizor. :)
I understand completely the need to be anonymous. I recently had to change my url completely to be sure I stayed hidden. But.... I still wish I could make a connection to the 'real me' somehow. The split personality thing makes me crazy sometimes, like no one in the world knows all the different pieces of me.
I can understand this, too, but I'm not quite as cautious. I will show my face to "friends" I've spoken with. I think that we all are in the same boat in a way....all anonymous to a point. Or, most of us.
I've toed the line a bit on my HNT posts, showing parts of my face. I feel confident though that the angles and portions are not enough for a real world friend to fully recognize me.
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