Thoughts on CyberSex

Marissa: hee hee. I was still sleeping when I read the first email

me: i was hoping to catch you in bed, warm, snuggled in, i wanted to slip in behind you and wrap my arms around you

Marissa: Mmm i would love for you to slip in behind me, that is one thing I miss about being in a relationship. waking up in mid night, or morn, that wonderful hard cock greeting.

me: it would nudge you from behind, my hard cock slippery under my silk shorts. my left hand would snake over your left hip, following the waist band of your panties, and then slip down between your legs.

Marissa: ohhh ok dont you start I am on my way to work.

me: still on your side, you lift your left knee to give me access.

Marissa: you got me clinching the kitty already.

me: you are soft in the middle, your lips wet and ready from your dreaming.... :-)

Marissa: I am always wet first thing in the morning, ready for you to slip in no prep needed, just you

me: my hands on your thighs spread you open as I roll you on your stomach, my weight settles in to you and presses you in to the bed... you lift your hips against my weight... and I press you back down again.

Marissa: your killing me.

me: what time is work?

So this is how my day began, a quick check of e-mail turned into a 12 line flirt with a friend of mine, who, unfortunately for her, had to go to work. Later in the day I had a few minutes to talk to another dear friend of mine, the chat got steamy, but she was unable to do anything about it because a visitor in the office stole away her privacy for the day.

What is it about cybersex, erotica, dirty little e-mails, a tantalizing tweet, that gets our motor running.

Cybersex, for me, is fun for several reasons.

1 - It's cybersex.

Duh Usually anything with "sex" in its name is going to be better than reading e-mail about the latest legislative proposal to attack your company.

2 - It's creative.

While sex has been around for quite some, and erotica has been around since people discovered how to write about the sex they were having, each time two [or more] people get together it is, or can be, new and creative. Creative in the sense that they are making something that never existed before. And no, I'm not talking about babies. While the basic sex act of in-and-out hasn't changed much, each time a different set of emotions, tastes, touches, and erotic outcomes come into play. No two people bring the same energy into a sexual relationship. And no two couples are the same either. So each encounter, whether it be between a couple of 50 years, with two sweaty friends that meet in a bar and head to the back alley, can be new, can be different, can be creative.

3 - It's live.

Cybersex is dynamic, it is the interplay between two people searching to please and to be pleased. They seek for the right words to turn their partner on, to ratchet up the sexual heat, and to move the story along. It is a combination of storytelling, fantasy building, and anatomical correctness.

Sometimes cyber is literal; "I move your left hand to my right breast and ask you to squeeze my nipple."

Sometimes it is descriptive, "The feel of your tongue on the small of my back propels me into memories of youthful lust and discovery on the banks of the River Nile."

Sometimes it is just silly, "I rush up behind you at the riverbank and hump you as if I were king of the monkeys rampaging the defenseless troop from the forest next door. You scream a guttural cry and pound your rock into the river, hoping to catch the fish that will feed our passion."

No matter what direction it goes, you have to make stuff up right then, right there. That's why it's so much like real sex. You have a real person on the other end of the line, on the other side of the digital bed, and you have to keep them interested long enough for them to cum. Repeat the same phrase too many times over too many days and it loses its zing. Mindless pumping online, like at home, rarely gets the job done.

You also never know when the wrong move will kill the mood. You typed out a phrase that sounds erotic and intriguing, and they read it as confusing or perverted. With a new lover, a touch, a probe, a dollop of lube, on the wrong spot may send them running, but until you try it you never know.

4 - You can relive it

I have always wanted to have my bedroom wired for sound and video. I love sex. I love sex with my wife, I love sex with myself. I think would be fun to have a high-quality copy to watch later when she's not around. Most of us like watching other people have sex, what's wrong with watching ourselves? So, in cyber, we keep a copy. It's logged through chat, or in an IM session, and most of us, if you are honest with yourself, keep a copy to relive when you get home. (When I say that, I'm assuming that we are all doing this at work, right?)

5 - It challenges me as an author.

Okay, so I'm not writing Shakespeare, but it is fun to see if you can combine quick thinking, good imagery, creative descriptions, a fast pace, and a modicum of plot as you and a digital lover negotiate the path to climax. The dynamic between two people, especially if both are actively writing in the conversation, it's fun to follow. You type oral, she types anal. You describe climbing on top, while she is moving toward the whips and chains. As she writes you have to react. As you write, she can follow the story line, contradict you, but try to take control herself. It is the give-and-take of creatively building that story that is a lot of fun.

6 - It allows me to explore boundaries

Like pinching a newly pierced nipple, you have to approach things gently. How dirty do they want to get? What words can you use? Is it poetic/romantic they want, "I kissed the petals of her glistening sex..." or is it graphic and raw? "I flipped her on back and pounded in, splitting her cunt with my rock hard....." You get the picture.

Do they want kink, leather, a fetish? Do they want to touch themselves as you write or are they an active participant. Do they take the lead, describing their fantasy, their pleasure, or are you in the driver's seat. Do they want to climax in real life, do you, or is this for arousal and nothing more, fodder for future fantasies?

For me, as a guy all my life, I've been the instigator, and the driver in most cybersex encounters, but, let me give other guys some advice, leave the door open for the woman to take control.

Many won't, most don't, but those that will, those that do, are rare and wonderful finds. If they want to control the conversation, listen. Let them. You will learn what makes them tick, their fantasies, their fears. Cybersex reveals more than our writing skills, it reveals a large part of our sexual self, and it is a wonderful discovery to make and to share with someone else.

So enjoy, learn, write, have fun, and make friends. Very good friends.....