A total lack of discussion...

Amy, over at Sex, Chocolate and Red Lipstick starts an interesting discussion. My comment got way too long for a proper comment, but I left it there anyway and decided to post it here as well. PLEASE start with her blog and then comeback. I like her perspective and her HNTs are cute as well.

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Amy makes the honest observation that with all of the openness about sexuality in the media, on TV, jokes in movies, etc, masturbation is still a taboo topic with friends gather 1-on-1, or over dinner.

Have any of you discussed this over pizza? during cocktail hour? after the church social?

I especially would like to hear from the guys (if any) who read this blog. I know that women are much more likely to discuss sex at a personal level than men. Guys can brag about it, make claims and predictions, state preferences and discuss the pros and cons of breast v. thigh, but we rarely actually discuss the details of our real life.

I have grown up in a conservative religious environment. I have come to expect a strict non-disclosure from my friends from that part of my life, but even my "liberal" friends, my art-market group, and my literary snobs don't talk about it. We complain about not getting it but rarely discuss the emotional aspects of sex, masturbation, desire, longing, etc. Perhaps none of us want to admit that we don't get enough. None of us want to reveal the hurt that comes from being ignored in our marriages. It's like no one on the pirate ship wants to admit that they hate the water.


A lot of guys buy in to the notion that if we were getting more sex from the wife that we wouldn't have to masturbate, that our jerking off is actually a reflection of a failure within our marriages, or our prowess with the ladies if we are single.

I've learned that pleasuring myself has little to do with my married sex life. Actually, the more I did it on my own, the more I wanted it from my wife. She may see that as a bad thing, but it actually put me in touch with my own body. If my wife likes the fact that I don't cum after three strokes, she should thank my time in the shower. I've spent years training myself not to cum at the first point of pleasure. Its my self awareness that has made me a better lover in bed.

(I'll admit that the first time I got a lap dance I came like a 16 year old with a girlie mag, but that's a different story.)

Anyway, my response to Amy is below, but again, visit her blog, get her perspective. It's a thoughtful piece that deserves a read. And if you are inspired by her post, check out her HNTs, they should give you plenty to think about while you are.....


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My response to Amy
I grew up masturbating from the early age of 12, soon after I found my first Playboy and after Donna hit puberty. The combination of real life friends getting boobs and naked bunnies kicked my hormones in to high gear.

All of my guy friends do it, except maybe Andrew, but everyone else does, for sure. But, like the women, we never talk about it. We joked about it, laughed about it, denied it, accused others of doing it, but never, ever, actually discussed it.

Occasionally our youth pastor would gather the boys for a very short, and always uncomfortable 'discussion' where he said that it was bad, but never told us why. None of us listened to him.

My mom warned me about it once, but she used such obtuse language and vague metaphors that I didn't get what she was talking about for days. And then, I didn't stop.

I have never had a discussion about the "how to", benefits, times, or reasons for this wonderful activity. Ever. not in real life.

The Internet, however, has been, and is, a treasure trove of friends and like-minded advocates of self-love, and blogs like yours, are a great resource.

Thanks!