After reading this post some of you will call me repressive, uptight, a prude, or a pedophile. I am none of the above. You will criticize the message and the messenger, but there is something I have to comment on tonight.
I just got back from the pool. It was blazing hot all day so when a friend of mine called to invite the family over for a swim we jumped at the chance.
I glanced over at the pool as I drove in and caught a flash of two bikini clad hotties from a distance. Teeny bikini's, not quite thongs, small triangle tops, tan skin. That's all I could see. I pulled in and wondered who these two were going to be. We piled out of the van and walked to the gate and I saw them, they were 12, maybe 13 years old.
Of course I smacked myself upside the head for thinking anything about these two, but I was shocked at the suits these two young girls were wearing. What on earth are their parents thinking? Seriously people.
What happened to parents who try and preserve the innocence of their kids?
What happened to saying "No, that suit is immodest and not appropriate for a 12 year old"?
What happened to teaching kids about dress their age, and not 10 years their senior.
What happened to protecting you daughters from lecherous men around them?
I know that parents (I am one of them) are under a lot of pressure to let their kids act sexy because their kids are under a lot of pressure to be sexy. Society is sexualizing our kids earlier and earlier. Wide-spread exposure to porn, the sexual nature of music videos and pervasive soft-core culture we live in puts kids in a very difficult position.
They want to be cool, to fit in at school, to be accepted by their peers and by the peer groups above them in the social pyramid. I know that, my daughter feels that pressure. But, to the parents, I'm asking, begging, to think of their daughter's first, understand the peer pressure and help them say no. Help them remain young innocent 12 year olds as long as they can.
Sex and heartache and horny boys will come along soon enough, you do not need to push them into it by sexing them up when you go shopping. Teach them that it is OK to be pretty, to wear cute clothes, but that it's also OK to dress your age, and teach them who is the parent.
Parents need to say "No" more often. I know that my generation doesn't like hearing that we can't do anything we want, so we don't tell our kids. But the world is a dangerous place.
As we were taking a break from the water I was laying on my lounge chair. 5-6 guys, all looking about 16-18 years old, came in to the pool area to get to the basketball court in the back corner of the complex. Everyone one of them noticed and made some comment to the guys around them about these two girls. "DAMN!" was the main one. I know they weren't thinking about their skills at swimming, or wondering how good they did in school.
I know it's politically incorrect to blame the girls, so I'll blame the parents.
If you don't want your daughters attracting the attention of a bunch of horny teenagers, don't dress her in a barely there bikini. If you don't want her to have sex before she's ready, don't dress her like a sex-doll. If you want young men to respect her, and value her as a person, then help her present herself as a person, not as a body. To the moms, don't re-live your youth through your daughters wardrobe. Don't put her in the clothes you think are sexy because you want to feel sexy. Protect them, love them enough to say no.
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I know that there is a lot more to say here, and that there are many factors at play in the dynamic between boys and girls, teenagers and parents, and, that I need to get my thoughts organized around this as a blogger, parent, father, and as a guy. But I had to say something. I just wanted to walk up to the mom and say, "Are you nuts?", but I didn't, so I'll say it here.
10 comments:
Well, stated, sir. This is an arguement that I have often with my sister in law about my niece who is 13. I have a son that is the same age and to be honest I think that my niece acts much older that she should. My son isn't into girls much. He knows enough to say she's pretty but he leaves it at that. He's into sports and video games and I don't see anything wrong with that. He has his whole life to be an adult. I like that he wants to stay a kid for a while, so I don't push him to act older and there are certain things that I won't let him do (watch music videos for instance) that some other parents think is perfectly okay.
I with you one hundred percent on this one. Let the kids be kids.
I agree with this as well. We have 2 girls, ages 15 and 19. Both are tall and slender and quite cute. They do not need anything else to make guys look at them. Seems like I really had to fight with them around 12 or 13 to make sure they were appropriately covered. Now, they know that I will not buy (or in the case of the 15 year old) allow them to own clothes that I feel are inappropriate. Yeah, I'm mean. They've always looked older than they are (15 year old can pass for a college student!), so I've been hyper alert to make sure they don't dress like hookers about to walk the streets.
Mostly, all of the hard work has been done already. The 19 year old has even told me thanks for not letting her look the way she thought she wanted to back then. The 15 year old will still fight with me occassionally, but she knows the score and will usually apologize for her behavior. Walking out without anything will change your attitude in a heart beat!
The one thing you didn't address was the make up. Sheesh! Most of the girls on my daughter's high school soccer team don't need ANY make up, let alone the volume they think they do. What's up with that????
I don't have a daughter, but I know that if I did I'd be the kind of dad that wouldn't let them out of the house looking inappropriate. Probably I'd get it wrong and be overly-restrictive and annoy her, but I wouldn't be able to help myself.
As such, I concur with your post.
As the mother of a 15 1/2 year old daughter who appears to be much older than she is. I fight so many battles when it comes to appearance. I do my very best to monitor the swim suits and outfits. I keep a very honest and open door policy when it comes to educating our youth about facts. I teach her about remaining pure, but I also tell her the harsh truth as innocently as possible because I don't want her taken advantage of plus I would rather her come to me before making a poor choice knowing that I will protect her as best as I can. I recall how difficult it was at her age, and I know that things have only gotten worse since we were kids.
xo,
kitten
I could not agree more!!! I have two little girls, 3 & 5, so my husband and I are constantly thinking about their future... I feel the same way when I see so many young girls wearing crazy outfits; it infuriates me...
I'm glad that my dad was very strict about what clothes I wear when I was a teenager. I didn't understand it then, but now I really appreciate how he raised me in that regard....
Great post!
There's expression through clothes, then there's downright skanky. I hate to admit that but modesty and class are traits few parents impart anymore. Parents succumb to peer pressure just as much as their children do, resulting in overcompensating children.
SD would NEVER be allowed to wear something like that, and she's just about hitting that age. She still agrees to 'what' she'll wear, but ultimately, we're buying it, so it's a mutual decision. This insures tastefulness.
If parents are going to let their daughters prance around like whores, they should have the guts to explain to these children what impression they leave (dressed as they are) and what (little) value everyone views them with.
I agree with you 100%, I wish more parents would stand up to their kids and protect them. We aren't here to be their best friend, we are here to teach them, guide them, love them and support them.
I think this just may be the best post you have ever posted! I agree with everything you said....everything (and that is a first for me :)
Amen!
Everything I could possibly say has already been said by others, but I absolutely agree!
I think allowing children to dress like this is just another form of abuse. It's tantamount to stealing their childhood, and no better than displaying them for any freak and lech to ogle. It's just plain creepy.
Wow, it seems like I hit a nerve with this one, so THANK YOU for your comments. I think I'll forward this post, with all of your wonderful thoughts to a few parents I know, or maybe just post it by the pool.
Anonymous, since you actually like this post, who are you? Thanks for reading. I'd like to hear from you when you disagree as well.
And, based on your unanimous support, I will be running for president in 2011. I'm going a year early to avoid the competition.
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