Monday, December 20, 2010

My grandkids....

What would you do?
How would you react?

If you met the man that would, several years down the road, take your daughter's virginity?

As I see my daughter grow up, discover boys, and start thinking about dating, I wonder how I can give her the tools so she can enjoy sex more than her mother does.  How do I talk to her, teach her?

I want her to be wise, to go slowly, to find meaning and passion and expression at the right time, with the right person.  But I don't know when or who that will be.

I will have to trust her.

But currently, she can't even keep track of her iPod.


Topaz said...

That's a tough one. Kids tend to learn by example. If you remove the stigma in your views on relationships, love, and even lust, that may be the most effective way. Because when they observe the shame, the internalize it. We've all learned that way a little, haven't we?

Advizor54 said...

There are days when I think we are showing them that marriage can be happy and fulfilling and even a little lusty, thought it embarrasses them to see it. I'm afraid though, they see through it, they hear the tones in our voices and see the tightness in our pose and figure out the truth, just as I did with my parents.

Drenchxoxo said...

Keep the communication open. I think the biggest mistake we can do as parents is tip toe around topics that make us uncomfortable and our kids having sex is totally one of those topics.

Be frank and share information with her that you stumble on that shares your beliefs. Let her know she can come to you with anything no matter how "bad" she thinks it is.

I remember the day my daughter asked me what a blow job was. I was mortified and she clearly saw it in my expression. I don't think I answered her. I would have handled it completely differently today.

T. Harrison said...

I agree with the comment above. If sex is something that is only discussed in puritanical terms and never in a healthy, realistic and natural way, you daughter may have the same issues with sex as your wife. The best example you can give to her is a happy, loving and affectionate relationship between you and your wife. Kids should know that their parents are probably getting it on and be appropriately disgusted and amused by it. My husband and I stick to that model. Of course, I have boys so...the convo will be a bit different over here.

Advizor54 said...

"The best example you can give to her is a happy, loving and affectionate relationship between you and your wife. "

You haven't been reading very long, have you....

:-) That is my concern, that she's going to learn from my wife and I what I learned, and am trying to un-learn, from my parents, that marriage is a cold and lonely place. I once made the mistake of being honest, I said to my wife, that I didn't want the girls hating sex like she did. Ooh boy, the shit hit the fan but we had to confront the fact that we weren't putting out a good vibe as an "affectionate" couple and that a lot of that came from her fear that "everything leads to something."

Oh well, enough of the pity party, you have all given good advice, I appreciate your thoughts, I really do, I just need to get in a better mood when I reply to comments. I know, chocolate!


Beryl said...

I think if you can't share it here, where the hell are you going to share it without censoring yourself or waiting for the proverbial shoe to smack you on the back of the head.

She was mad because you hit on a truth and it's more important for her to keep herself wrapped up in what she WANTS to see.

I know you already know that, but maybe hearing it from someone else makes you feel a little less heavy about having those thoughts.

Really that is what blogging is about or at least it is for me. As for the chocolate, I expect you *are* going to share after all this deep meaningful, thoughtful, sensitive *inhale* clarity-ridden, candid, insightful commentary.