I like this picture.
It is cute, sexy, enticing, and promises more.
she is naked, to be sure, but it is her eyes,
open, trusting, a hint of surprise, a touch of want unspoken.
Maybe she is a bit too young for you,
1/2 your age plus five is a guideline, not a rule, right?
Young, and eager and wanting to please,
but in need of care, and training, and confidence.
You aren't her first, but perhaps the best
She has much to learn, much to share,
and is eager to accept your instruction.
I wanted to update my mood from the past few posts that were a bit, shall we say, "on edge"?
Several years ago I admitted to some wanderings which have been discussed in this blog many times. They all came up again the other night out of a conversation about totally unrelated matters. It seemed to hit me out of nowhere this time. I thought things were good, I thought we were moving past them, I thought the "forgive and forget" rule was finally coming in to play. I was wrong.
This is not to say that every day is a tide of bitter looks and snide remarks. We are happy most of the time. She has been loving and forgiving and patient with me. I'm grateful for that. Maybe it is unrealistic and selfish of me to expect her to forget any kind of betrayal in this area, but it hope, maybe out of a desire to have it be done with once and for all.
So we talked, and argued a bit, and I had to defend myself and lie my ass off and get around things and tell her what she wanted to hear It's not the most honest solution, but it gets us back on track.
We were up until almost 1:00 AM, exhausted, we gave up and came to an end. She had spoken her piece, i had given the right answers, and it was time to sleep.
That was Tuesday, I think. The mood, for me, obviously was deep when I wrote the FFF and "Never Ever" posts. But I wrote those posts in the heat of the moment and scheduled them for later posting. They were true and honest at the time, but also I feel sense of completion when I write. It's my way of letting go. Sometimes I write them and schedule them and forget about them until they post and it surprises me.
After our long night, we tried to be good to each other. I get a lot of "good hubby" points by giving her a long tender hug when I get home. The house is crazy, she's busy, and I step in and kick it up a notch usually.
So I tried, and she tried to sooth things over a bit.
Sunday morning is our one day where no one has to wake up early. Church isn't until 10 and we take advantage of it. On Sunday my little one got up early as he always does, and my wife sent him off to play on the computer. That was a good sign. Our girls were told that they couldn't leave their room until 8:30.
I had woken up hard, she was snuggly, and soon found my through my PJs.
"Do you want to lock the door?" I asked
And the morning started off wonderfully. So, even if all is not forgotten, it's put away for a while.
And that feels good too.