Much of my blog is taken up by complaining, which I know, gets tiresome. I’ve tried to cut back over the past few months with whining about the lack of sex and blah, blah, blah. I’m so tired of it myself that I can’t even write it down yet again.
So, in keeping with the spirit of the Holiday (at least in the US), I will do the horribly clichéd thing, and write a list of things I am thankful for. So, in the tradition of my parents, please stand with me around the dinner table, hold hands (hands only please, we are about to eat), and listen as I spout on and on about things I am grateful for on Thanksgiving Day, 2011.
I am thankful for sex when I get it.
And syphilis when I don’t
For other bugs I haven’t got,
Which doesn’t mean I won’t
I’m thankful …. Ok, rhyming isn’t going to work.
I am thankful for being employed for a few more days, at least until my refinance closes.
I’m thankful for bus drivers who know which shortcuts are actually shorter
I’m really thankful I can sleep through most of my commutes on nights like tonight.
I’m thankful for the empty seat beside me after weeks of SRO buses and no privacy to type.
I’m thankful for my blog and all of the wonderful people I’ve been able to meet.
I’m even thankful for all the bloggers that I’ve known, loved, and pissed off, and who hate me now.
They made my life richer for being in it, even for a little while.
I’m thankful for computers, web-cams, and microphones that allow me to make friends all over the world.
I’m thankful that most of you don’t know my real name, but thrilled you know me at all.
I’m grateful for the written word that allows me to express myself day-after-day, keeping me sane (mostly)
I’m grateful for a few special friends, who know who they are, and who make my life wonderful at times, often enough I try to put up with the other times with some sense of grace.
I’m thankful for Nella, one of the first porn stars I crushed on and all of her quality work.
I’m thankful for my body, with all its failings, and for the pleasure I get from it.
I’m grateful I can still run, swim, cycle, climb, fuck, and laugh, breathe, eat, poop, pee, and sleep. I have too many friends who can’t do at least one of these.
I’m grateful for my phone that just brought me messages from two very wonderful women, three if you count my wife.
I’m grateful for good porn that reminds us just how pretty sex can be.
I’m grateful for bad porn that reminds me how grateful I am for good porn.
I’m grateful for beautiful women of all shapes, sizes and colors.
I am humbled to be able to share intimacies with those who are close to me, and to bring a little fun and pleasure into the world.
I’m grateful for Tumblr and good photographers across the world.
I’m grateful for YouTube and its bastard son and slutty daughter RedTube and YouPorn.
I’m grateful for men and women who are smart enough to invent streaming audio, $50 web-cams, free Internet (kind of), and software that lets me enjoy it all.
I’m grateful for breasts, small and firm, or soft and round, perky or full, fresh and free or a bit world-weary from children and gravity, I am glad you share them with me.
I am grateful for Twitter and the fact that I no longer use it.
I’m grateful that Farmville and Facebook are not yet mandatory.
I’m thankful for the men and women of our Armed Forces, who, if they are ever bored, can come to me for a list of fresh targets. (Oh, believe me, I have a list, and if you are laughing, you just got added)
I’m thankful for a land where I can log on to the web and visit my church website, or news, or subversion, or blasphemy, or Netflix without a morality death squad kicking in my door (besides my wife).
I’m grateful for Pink Floyd, Mumford and Sons, David Bowie, William Shakespeare, Will I. Am, The Canadian Brass, the Burning River Brass, Brass bands of many kinds, podcasts with musicians I have never heard of, and digital recordings of all the classics.
I’m thankful for art and artists who make it, even if most of you are pretentious hipsters who think that talent comes from wearing your fake fedora at just the right angle.
I’m thankful for feminists who have made my daughter’s life easier, even if she doesn’t realize it yet, she’s thankful too.
I’m grateful I can sing well enough to join in the church choir, but not so good, I worry about taking lessons.
I’m grateful for purple mountains, amber waves, and fruited planes, all that stuff.
I’m grateful for my church leaders and friends who are kind hearted and loving and care for my family.
I’m thankful for my wife and for what a wonderful mother she is.
I’m grateful to her parents (as crazy as her mom can be) for raising a good daughter.
I’m grateful for our sex toys that do the job when a little boost is needed.
I’m grateful for my heating blanket even if it is only “California Cold.”
I’m grateful for asses, professional and amateur, tight or a bit saggy, that are eagerly shared on film, in movies, in person, and in theory. I love them all.
I am grateful for England and the daughters of the Empire.
I’m grateful for NY, TN, KY, UT, HI, NE, CA, NC, TX, the entire Midwest and all of Canada. I’m grateful for Brazil, Australia, New Zeeland, and Italy, the Nordic lands, the Eastern Bloc, the brave souls in the middle east who could get arrested for reading my blog (really, it isn’t worth it, mine isn’t, but Tumblr, maybe). Did I miss anyone?
I’m grateful for clueless husbands who let me flirt with their wives, and for boyfriends who just like to share.
I’m grateful for Victoria’s Secret, Adam and Eve, Saphoria, The Pleasure Chest and on-line shopping.
I’m grateful for porn stars, the girl next door, and the occasional starlet with a sex tape who entertain me so well.
I’m grateful for hard cock, but really, only if it’s mine or on film. One per room is fine in real life.
I’m thankful for high-def TV, smart phones, wireless networks, and the ability to erase all internet history with just three clicks.
I’m grateful for women’s clothes, high fashion, Target bikinis, cotton panties, silk baby dolls, tight jeans, high heels, and the for the women who wear them.
I’m thankful for laughter unrestrained, for smiles and tears born from sincere moments, I’m grateful for final gasps and aftershocks and for learning to be bold.
I’m grateful for many, many things still not on this list, but on this day, Thanksgiving Day, I need to stop writing and drive to dinner. (I’m grateful I’m not making the turkey this year, there are 35 hungry people waiting.)
And I’m thankful for anyone who got through this list. I hope it was worth your time.
(If I have time, I’ll add all sorts or cool hyperlinks to relevant words, but if it’s just words, forgive me)