Thursday, December 22, 2011

The kettle is always on...

I did the 2-hand 5-pocket pat down as I left the house, looking like I was trying to re-learn the Macarena.

Right hand shirt pocket,
left hand hip pocket,
right hand front right pocket,
left hand front left pocket,
right hand back right pocket.

2 phones, keys, wallet, and sunglasses accounted for.

I hop in the car, plug in phone #2, start Pandora, turn up the volume, and drive down the street. 

SHIT.........I slow down just a bit.

Did I shut down my browser? Yes.
A few more feet roll by as my car warms up.  Did I?
I hope I did.  She'll be home in 10 min and I'm already late.
Yes, I did shut it down because I cleared the browser history and saw the lion background.
Yes, I'm fine.

Shit...... this time I pull over. 
I check my watch...  Did I?  Or did I just see the edge of the screen and the lion's mane? 
I am so late.

I put the car in park. 
Think, Think, Think, Think…
OK, I finished my post, shut down youTube, closed redTube…cleared my history…  but.
I put the car in Drive and turn around, but my 15 minute warning alarm goes off and if I miss the last bus I’m screwed and will take 2 hours to drive to work because of the construction.
OK, don’t freak out, Shut down, clear the history, move the camera, I saw the background…  I’m OK
I’m OK.  I put the car in drive and turn around again.
I start to relax as I drive.  Everything’s shut down, I should have done a restart, what is she starts Picassa? Will anything show up?  Dang it, I should have checked, but no, Picassa doesn’t index temp files and I didn’t download anything today. 
I pull to the light and smile as the cute young moms walk their offspring to the park.  The brunette smiles back.  She looks just like….
SHIT!  I was on youPorn which pops open those stupid background windows…. Shit shit shit. 
My watch face stares passively, yet mocks me, telling me that I don’t have time to do both.  I can either check my computer and KNOW I won’t be caught, or make the bus and avoid a 2 hour drive. 
AAAaaaagggghh.. I have to stop surfing before work.
NO!  I fill the car with noise, I’m good.  I know I’m good, I closed everything down. 
I pull forward as the light turns green.  10 minutes later I sprint across the street and make my bus.  Problem solved.  She’s home by now, and if I forgot anything incriminating on the screen I would gotten that angry phone call already.  I settle back in to my chair, turn on my iPod and start drifting in to sleep.
My eyes pop open and my heart shrinks….what if she saw something, but is just stewing on it until she can yell at me in person…
I have GOT to stop surfing in the morning…..

and just because it's my blog

here is the lovely Miss Munn


naughtyangel420247 said...

Hummm I have gotten up in the middle of the night just to make sure I closed my browser window. What about using in private next time you go to browse? It does not save anything. Once you close the windows no history nothing. Might give you some peace of mind.

Naughty Kitty said...

I have mine set to delete everything when I close out of the internet. Funny though. I just wrote a post about losing the flash drive that I keep my blog posts on.

Lusting Lola said...

I hate this feeling! Hope you're good, and she not simply stewing. :)

Tom said...

Been there, done that. I feel ya brother.

Someone could make a lot of money by making an app that remotely restarts your computer!

O said...

I hate it when I think I've forgotten to do something. Though with me, it's usually something like; did I close the door behind me properly before I left for work? And I usually do go back and check... And confirm that of course I closed the door!

fleur.d.laura said...

very funny post...I can totally appreciate the macarena pat down...I do that often. Keys, cell phone, work ID badge, it.

I can relate to the fear of being found out, but i maintain my OWN computer and space as to avoid any mixing of interests.

Glad you made your bus.

Ingrid Jane said...
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