Saturday, December 31, 2011

Last Day…of the year!

It’s too cliché to even say, but can you believe another year has gone by? 
What are my highlights?
  • Meeting, making, and keeping some wonderful new on-line friends and lovers
  • Actually meeting two other bloggers in person and sharing some wonderful time with them.
  • Learning, again, just how terrific and frustrating technology can be.
  • Writing 370 posts, and not all of them about porn.
  • Getting up to 139 followers.
  • Getting laid off for the first time (yes, this is a highlight)
  • Learning how to release my inner dominance, much to the delight of some of my friends.
  • A successful, though tedious year at work, getting through 18 audits with “no major findings”
  • Getting to a better place at home with the wife.
  • Not getting fired for...well, if you read my blog, you understand.
  • Being able to share the hopes, joys, fears, ups and downs of all of you...
Let's hope 2012 is better for all of us!

(I'd write more, but everyone is up and about and I've only got a second while I 'check scores' in the office)

xoxox

Have a Wonderful (and safe) New Year's Eve!!!!!

Advizor

Friday, December 30, 2011

She wrote back

I have spoken often about my "friend" in Houston.  The one that I didn't get to kiss on my last trip. 

She finally wrote back, on my last day. 

I was reviewing some old e-mails and saw this one.  I’m sorry I missed your visit but wish you great success with your new life, I would be hard-pressed to leave California for Texas myself. 

Keep up the running.

Take care.

That's it. I could rant about how, with a company blackberry and a life spent in e-mail, it's almost impossible to "miss" and e-mail.  Perhaps she had my name on a filter that shuffled me off to a hidden folder.  Perhaps it went straight to junk mail, spam, or to her attorney.  It doesn't matter.  She wrote back, closed the loop, and called the proceedings to a close.  That was nice of her, even if she did it fully clothed...

:-)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Last Day

Last day
I woke up, dressed, and went to the gym to teach my class as usual.  16 people, not bad for the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.   A few minutes in the pool to cool off and calm down, 10 minutes in the Jacuzzi, and then it was impossible to avoid it any longer.
Traffic was light and I got to work by 8:30 and sat down for my last day.
Last day.  After 12 years, one more shift, one more lunch, one more drive home. 
And then what?  A vacation to distract me, a few days more of Christmas break, and then the kids are back at school, the house empties, and I sit.  What next?
Last night as I talked to my friend I realized that it was my last bus ride home.  The last bus pass for a while, the last time standing on the corner in the cold complaining with the other riders that Pat is always late and that Darrel runs early and…freak it’s cold outside…  last time.
I pulled in to the parking garage and turned off the car.  I could feel it in the backs of my knees, the tingle that starts before any big event.  It’s my body betraying it’s nervousness, the anticipation, almost a “fight or flight” feeling.  Do I hunker down and wait out the last few hours or do I engage and write and say goodbye and get my hugs and accept the reality of losing the people I have learned to love the past 12 years. 
A group of us, my old staff and some extras went to lunch to commemorate my departure.  No speeches were asked for nor offered, on e guy missed it all together to handle a computer crisis, the bill came and was paid by my peer who drove in to say good-bye.  That was nice. 
I didn’t get the “bag of crap’ that is traditionally given, a company gym bag full of last year’s mug, some golf balls, a hat, some note pads that you were going to steal anyway to go with the pens that went out in your gym bag last week.  It’s all quite anti-climactic really.  I’m just one of 6 leaving today or tomorrow, one already took off on Tuesday and I missed saying goodbye to him, and he got no lunch at all, so why complain?
Before I leave I have to pack.  Earlier this week my wife offered to drive in to help, but what would I have her do with the condoms in the drawer, the ones that are next to the panties sent by a friend as a thank-you.  What do I do with 9 years of Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Editions, or the 3 Victoria’s Secret catalogs with annotations for a friend’s shopping spree?  I have a life here at work that is totally removed from my home life. 
Here I have friends from all over the world.  At home I have a family, 4 walls, and some acquaintances at the gym, none of them willing to talk dirty to me.  J  Here I am an author, a friend, a Master, a lover, a blogger, a bit of a man-whore, and part of a community.  At home I’m just me. 
If this sounds self-pitying it should not, it’s pensive and transitional.  It will pass.  Another job will come, I will find time to write, but not chat as much.  I will enjoy Tumblr on my phone in my private moments, but not at home, at my desk, with my wife at my side.  Real life, for a while, will crowd out part of who I am.  But that is the nature of life, “Change is the only constant.”
So, I will get moving on from the sadness of leaving and count my blessings of 12 years of gainful employment, 10 years of good bosses, great friends, lots of time to write and think and play, and since we are still in the Christmas Season I will tag on a song from my favorite version of “A Christmas Carol,” because I really do have a thankful heart.


(If you haven’t seen the Muppets production of “A Christmas Carol” you really must add it to next year’s celebration.  It’s a wonderful adaptation with cute music and some really funny Muppets.)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

TMI - Tis better...to be late than never

Aaaaagh.....!!!  I don't know why this didn't post yesterday, but here it is, a day late, and inevitably, a dollar short.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Tis better to give than receive…?


For this week’s TMI Tuesday why don’t you tell us:

1. What was your favorite gift that you received (gift giving holidays Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or heck even if you had a birthday in the month of December that can count)?

My favorite was 10th row seats to "Wicked". The production was outstanding, the leads wonderful, the supporting cast was far better than last time, and dinner after was fun and tasty. 

2. What was the most practical gift that you received?

New running socks, bought by me, wrapped by me.

3. What was the silliest, most fun, crazy or impractical gift that you received?

 Impractical?  I'm going a cruise next week!!!

4. If you had a special holiday meal, what was your favorite food?

 The meal was tri-tip and ham and it was wonderful because I didn't cook any of it.  I didn't have to clean my house, cook the food, or entertain guests.  All I did was show up, pretend to like a few family members, refrained from making fun of my skank sister-in-law's dress, and got out unscathed by 8:30.  It was a Christmas miracle.

Bonus:  Share the recipe of your favorite food from the holiday meal. - Here it is....


Bonus, bonus:  Whatcha doin’ for New Year’s Eve? - Packing for the Cruise!!!!
————-
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Monday, December 26, 2011

Sexy Cool Picture

Taken from Sports Illustrated's "Pictures of the Year" collection.  Her eyes, the perfect legs, the blue shorts with that sexy little gap, and a belly ring.

Crazy Sexy.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Sunday Funnies...

By the time you get to read this post, the first clip will be old news, but it's still funny.  I wonder if Mitt Romney is going to start using it as a campaign ad.... (and please no religious or political bashing, it's just funny).


However, the second one made me laugh out loud and I had to steal it.  I got it from a great web-site that features very smart, and very funny comics, http://xkcd.com/





Read all the way through....

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve Wishes

As I post this I mean to get back to write something more, but just in case, here is a little holiday cheer.



and




It's time to go out delivering our Christmas cookies and so I wanted to send out my best wishes to all of my blogger friends, frenimies, lovers, and playmates. You have made my year full of wonder, fun, learning, and delight. I would not be the same without you. At least, that is what I will say at my trial.

So have a Merry ___________ (fill in the holiday of your choosing!)

Your grateful friends,

Advizor

Friday, December 23, 2011

It's the day before the day before

no time to write, just a wish that your last minute rush isn't too bad. Enjoy the video which is tooooo true and very funny





x
x
x
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Thursday, December 22, 2011

The kettle is always on...

I did the 2-hand 5-pocket pat down as I left the house, looking like I was trying to re-learn the Macarena.

Right hand shirt pocket,
left hand hip pocket,
right hand front right pocket,
left hand front left pocket,
right hand back right pocket.

2 phones, keys, wallet, and sunglasses accounted for.

I hop in the car, plug in phone #2, start Pandora, turn up the volume, and drive down the street. 

SHIT.........I slow down just a bit.

Did I shut down my browser? Yes.
A few more feet roll by as my car warms up.  Did I?
I hope I did.  She'll be home in 10 min and I'm already late.
Yes, I did shut it down because I cleared the browser history and saw the lion background.
Yes, I'm fine.

Shit...... this time I pull over. 
I check my watch...  Did I?  Or did I just see the edge of the screen and the lion's mane? 
I am so late.

I put the car in park. 
Think, Think, Think, Think…
OK, I finished my post, shut down youTube, closed redTube…cleared my history…  but.
I put the car in Drive and turn around, but my 15 minute warning alarm goes off and if I miss the last bus I’m screwed and will take 2 hours to drive to work because of the construction.
SHIT! 
OK, don’t freak out, Shut down, clear the history, move the camera, I saw the background…  I’m OK
I’m OK.  I put the car in drive and turn around again.
I start to relax as I drive.  Everything’s shut down, I should have done a restart, what is she starts Picassa? Will anything show up?  Dang it, I should have checked, but no, Picassa doesn’t index temp files and I didn’t download anything today. 
I pull to the light and smile as the cute young moms walk their offspring to the park.  The brunette smiles back.  She looks just like….
SHIT!  I was on youPorn which pops open those stupid background windows…. Shit shit shit. 
My watch face stares passively, yet mocks me, telling me that I don’t have time to do both.  I can either check my computer and KNOW I won’t be caught, or make the bus and avoid a 2 hour drive. 
AAAaaaagggghh.. I have to stop surfing before work.
NO!  I fill the car with noise, I’m good.  I know I’m good, I closed everything down. 
I pull forward as the light turns green.  10 minutes later I sprint across the street and make my bus.  Problem solved.  She’s home by now, and if I forgot anything incriminating on the screen I would gotten that angry phone call already.  I settle back in to my chair, turn on my iPod and start drifting in to sleep.
My eyes pop open and my heart shrinks….what if she saw something, but is just stewing on it until she can yell at me in person…
I have GOT to stop surfing in the morning…..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and just because it's my blog

here is the lovely Miss Munn

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

TMI - Holiday Cheer


This time of year there are so many holidays and celebrations that overlap, which is why it is called Holiday Season.

1. What will you be celebrating? If it isn’t a commonly known holiday or celebration (i.e., Christmas, winter solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa) briefly tell us about it.

We are celebrating my brother's birthday, my wife's niece's birthday (boy, did she grow up cuter than I expected, and smart too, and not a single felony conviction, we are so proud) and Christmas.  We have a blend of various Christian faiths, some of them waning, a couple of athiests who send their kids to church, and a brother-in-law who thinks he's God.  I hope he's wrong. 


2. What’s your favorite Christmas or holiday tune?

Hands down, no questions...



I like it for the words, the sentiments of going home to 'faithul friends" in a world where few are to be found.  I love the harmony's and it's in my range and I can sing either part.  I love it, as I listen to it now, brings tears to my eyes as it alwasy does.    The album from which it comes, "A Christmas Together" is one of my all time favorites.

I love Christmas music.  I love both secular and religious songs and I start itching to play it as soon as the Halloween candy is eaten, however, to honor my dearly departed mother, I don't start playing it until after the Thanksgiving feast is finished.  Then Christmas can begin.

If anything will save my troubled soul, it will be music, and Christmas music seems to soothe mainy ills.



On Christmas Day I will be singing in my church choir and, for a little while, all will be right in the world.

3. If you are giving or receiving gifts this holiday season: - I LOVE SHOPPING FOR PRESENTS, yet my Scrooge of a family (on both sides) has stopped exchanging gifts between adults.  I love finding something that matches the needs, or wants, of another person and seeing them light up when they realize that they needed it after all.


- What’s the gift you most want? - For small gifts, I love getting books or movie that someone has picked out just for me, something that they love and think I will love too.  I like getting clothes and ties from my kids, hand made signs or trinkets that barely survive the walk home from school.  My favorite gift, in a twisted way, was a can of peanuts becaue it means that your brother (You know who you are) ran out of time or money, or both, and went to the old stand-by.

- What do you think is the best gift you are giving? - I'm getting my daughter a phone (I think) as a reward for getting her grades up way higher that we expected this semester, my wife is getting some jewelry she's had her eye on, and, though it's not a surprise, we are all going to see "Wicked" on stage.  We know, and sing, all the songs everytime we get in the car.  That will be my favorite.

4. If you could spend this December holiday season anywhere, where would that be? - I would love to go to a long-term beach vacation where there are mountiains nearby, maybe New Zealand or Fiji.  I love the ocean, love swimming and water sports, but would be in heaven to have hiking and secluded forests and the call of wild animals nearby as well.

5. Your family has announced that the holiday celebration & get-together will be at your home. You think to yourself:
a. Yes! Finally…the more the merrier.
b. I don’t have enough room for all of you, but let’s rent a hall and you all get hotel rooms.
c. Over my dead body, I don’t want you freaks in my house.
d. Hmm…I wonder if it’s too late to book a flight to anywhere, leaving on Christmas eve?

B!! - I love having guests, making the big dinners, and having the house full, but my little house is already full.  As long as you find somewhere else to sleep, come on over for dinner!  Of course, many of you reading this have already been invited for a sleep over, but we may have to make different arrangements.

6. Have you ever given a fruit cake as a Christmas gift or a gift at all? Do you even like fruit cake?

Fruit Cake was invented as a biological weapon in WWI and only morphed into a "gift" when the Allies realized it was too heavy to fire in existing artillery.  Smaller brick sized portions then were distributed for use in construction projects.  A soldier, trying to be funny, wrapped one up and gave it to his prisoners and a holiday tradition was born.

Bonus:  Share with us one of your holiday traditions.

My parents did not like the "mad dash" to the tree where "Christmas" was over in 5 minutes or less.  We always had to get up, make our beds, get dressed, and gather by the living room doors where my dad would  peek in to see if Santa had arrived yet.  After the stocking and a few presents were done, we always had a huge breakfast with one of the families from our street.  We made Christmas last all day.  It was a nice way to wake up.


Go elf yourself! :D

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

So close....

95 hits today.
A new personal record.
Still haven't hit 100 yet, oh well....

:-) 

(Is putting this post up cheating if it pushes me over 100 in the next 23 minutes?)

Fisting

There is no delicate way around this question.....


A friend of mine wants to get fisted.  She is beautiful and adventurous and tragically far away from me or I would help her out in her quest for her next adventure. As a novice in this area, I would love to hear suggestions, hints, tips, tricks to so she can make this a good first fist experience.  In the movies, it looks so easy, and very sexy, but how is it in real life? 



Faye gets fisted brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos


and this looks like part Two... Just because the story doesn't make sense unless you see the whole plot.


Sexy babes show what they can brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos


And here is one more, just for research.



Fisting teen lesbians brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

Monday, December 19, 2011

Carnivore

I am a carnivore.

I eat meat.

On  Saturday I oversaw a dinner for 200+ people and we served 12 hams, and afterwards, I got to take one home. This morning, I was stripping meat off the bones for an omelet and I got this visceral connection to the animal-ness of the process.  I was holding a leg, a joint, a bone of a once-living animal in my hand and I was eating it's flesh.  It was a strange and primal moment.

And I loved it.

And yes, the omelet was delicious.



Of course, these kind are good too.


Friday, December 16, 2011

Risk

Sometimes is pays off, some days it doesn’t, and that’s OK.
We put lunch on the calendar for yesterday, but when I got to the office, she sent a text informing me of her 101F fever, lack of showering, and diminishing social skills.  I laughed and told her I was immune to germs since having three kids who brought home a wide assortment of bugs, germs, viruses, and sniffle/sneeze/cough/and gag moments.  I fight them all off through clean living and time at the gym, and lots of water. 
I hopped in the car, picked up some soup from her favorite restaurant, and went over.  She stumbled to the door in a robe, sweats, and an adorable red tank top.  A quick hug and a disclaimer about “I don’t want to get you sick” and we moved to the couch.  I could talk with her forever.  She looked tired, her pale skin paler still as her eyes drooped and swayed with waves of nausea and fatigue. 
Risk.  When do you take it?  Because of my changing employment status, I knew I had to say something.  She knows my story and we both know that we won’t have a natural excuse to be close to each other.  I took her hand and pulled her into my arms.  I turned her around and wrapped my arms around her as she laid her head on my chest.  Soft kisses landed on the crown of her head as I inhaled her in, trying to remember everything about her.  She turned towards me and snuggled in and we talked some more.
Fingers intertwined we talked of the future, my job search, her transfer to a new college that, while in town, will keep her much busier, and we spoke of how much we would miss each other.  The cat jumped up on her lap and we just sat for a bit.  Finally, she needed to move and I had to admit that the clock was calling me back to work.  We stood up and I took her in my arms again and kissed her on the forehead.
“You know I love you,” came out of my mouth with not a hint of nerves.
“I know.” she replied and gave me a squeeze.
“I want to kiss you.”
“No, no, no” she said in languorous tones, her head now resting against my chest again.
“Just one?” I added, feeling the moment slip away as my heart raced.
“No” was her quiet response.
“OK”
And we were done.  The mood lightened as we moved around the apartment getting her ready to get outside for some fresh air.  I had taken my shot, state my case, and she gave me her answer gently, but firmly.
This is not a dramatic story.  It was quiet and short.  I told her, aloud for the first time, of my feelings for her, which didn’t cause her to run screaming from the room, but didn’t make her swoon either.  Feeling vulnerable has it’s place, and yesterday it didn’t pay off.  But I’m glad I said it, I will miss her as I change situations and we drift inevitably in different directions.  But I said it, I asked, I was bold, as s friend tells me to be.  And I’m glad she knows.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Do we stop now?

OK, i think i'm done.  I've just found Panda Porn. 


Wild sex to award a hero panda brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

Who knew?

http://pandafuck.com/

What do I fear - #1

What do I fear?

I fear that, when I leave this job, my world will shrink to a small street in a suburban town that is more concerned with the weeds in the sidewalks than the presidential elections and environmental reform.

I fear losing touch with England, France, Italy, Canada, Australia, Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Ireland, and all the states here in the US.  I'm afraid I will only talk to friends in person, and not the many wonderful friends I know and love on on-line, including the ones I haven't listed here (I'm writing quickly).

I want my world to stay open to new thoughts, new people, and new sensations. 

I do not want to live in a small world.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Partron of the Arts

Work is slowing down. Today I had my meeting with HR where the told me about my severance package and gave me some paper's to sign. I'm starting to schedule my last round of lunches with friends and i said goodbye to the owner of my favorite burger place.  As work shifts to transitional work instead of new work, i find my mind wandering.  And that is a dangerous thing to do....

These are all pretty tame since I'm on the company network, now, if I unplug after lunch and get on the outside network....


As a man who enjoys beautiful women and painting, here's a bit that combines them both...
Would you do this for a special occasion?



While I was surprised to see YouTube allowing nude models, I love the background of this class. The students are using full sized chalkboards for working. What a great idea. How many times do you feel restricted by small 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper when trying to draw a beautiful naked woman?




This ad was just strange, until I realized it was perfect for all of my friends who are in to just this kind of thing, and I think that includes most of you.




Twilight for Guys - An awesome movie experience

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

TMI - Please RSVP

Questionable Invitations
An invitation that's basic and to the point

1. You have been invited to a lingerie party at the Playboy Mansion.
Do you accept?  - Hell Yes! 

What do you wear? – I wore my best suit, a new tie, clean underwear and a new pair of shoes.    I’ve actually been to a party at the Playboy mansion.  The women were beautiful, the men handsome, the drinks flowed freely (all the Orange and Cranberry juice I could drink).  I met three bunnies, all dressed, and got a picture with 2 of them on my friend’s camera, which she “lost” soon after the party.  We were there for her work in the fashion industry.  It was fun to attend a party at such a cultural landmark, but the security was tight, too tight to do anything fun.  As I took my picture with Ms. March or Ms. June, or whatever, they were managing the line and telling people to keep their hands on the model’s lower back.  No ass grabs for the picture allowed.  It was fun and sexy, but very well managed, tightly controlled, and choreographed to the letter.

2. (for women) You have been invited to a private dinner at Godfather’s Pizza by Herman Cain. – I’d go, as a guy, and ask him how a black man got to be the head of Godfather’s Pizza and why he was so dumb as to not have dealt with his past before he ran for president.  I miss him in the race.

(for men) The wife of a Fortune 500 CEO, reputed to have had extramarital relationships, invites you to a private dinner when the husband is out of town.

Do you accept?  - Of course I accept. 

Why or why not?
I need someone to fund the development of 3D poodle-porn popcorn popper, or 3D4P for short.  I’m also intrigued how she got my name and number and why she wants to have dinner with me. Does she read my blog?  Has she seen me in the mailroom of her husband’s business?  Which kidney does she want to steal for her aging husband?

3. Charlie Sheen (for women) or Your favorite female porn star (for men) is making a movie in the city where you live. You happen to meet him/her, and he/she suggests you stop by his/her hotel for a drink?

Do you go? – I would love to have a drink with Charlie Sheen.  #1 question, WTF DUDE???  Why did you ruin my favorite show be leaving that douche bad non-actor cheating prick Ashton Kutcher in charge?  After I had beaten him in to a puddle of dripping tiger blood, I’d go bang his to porn star girlfriends.

I’ve met/seen a few porn stars in person and most of them are pretty skanky and scary looking, but if I could hang out with Allison Angel or this chick (I was going to put in a link here, but I hear my family stirring and my privacy bubble is about to burst), I might be convinced to kiss a little after the hotel door closes.

4. Your boss (of the opposite sex) who has been very flirty with you insists that when you’ve finished a project by working late or on a weekend you bring it by his/her house immediately?
Do you go?

No. – The idea of my boss, current or past, being flirty with me turns my stomach in such an obscene way that I may never be able to eat again.  Current boss is a 5’4” (in both directions), ball of snorts, mouth-breathing, and ADD.  She can’t pay attention for 4 minutes.  I HATE going out to lunch with her because it’s like watching a retarded bull dog eat peanut butter while fighting a runny nose.  I know I shouldn’t use the word “retarded” any more.  Comparing my boss to a retarded person is an insult to retarded people all over the world.  If I had to see her answer the door naked, or in anything less than a body-length Kevlar vest, I would run to the hotel ice machine and sit bare-assed in the ice bin to get my junk to shrivel up and hide so she can’t get her hands on it. 

If it were my previous boss, yes, I would go.

Do you go alone or take a friend along? – Yes.  I need someone to videotape me pushing her over the balcony.  The committee for the Nobel Peace prize would need proof that I actually killed the only terrorist worse than bin Laden.

5. You’re working on a political campaign. Late one evening, you get a call from the campaign manager saying the candidate (of the opposite sex) would like to see you right away in his/her hotel room.

Do you go?
Sarah Palin – Yes,
Michelle Bachman – Yes. 
Hillary Clinton – NO, No, NO.  See above answer.

Do you tell someone you are going there or keep it a secret? – If Ms. Bachman/Palin wants to have a little break from their hickville homophobic husbands, who am I to complain?  As and upstanding Republican I would do them missionary style while singing the national anthem and nailing them until they were red and blue (or maybe a really dark pink), and then I’d cover that all with a creamy white.

What do you wear? – My Jon Stweart Mask, of course.  They like strange.


Bonus: What’s the best invitation you’ve received? Why is it memorable?

AB invited me in to her Victoria’s Secret changing room. 
It was the first time she escalated our relationship without prompting from me
Kathy asked me to help her get dressed and do her hair for a big date (with me)
She NEVER let me see her do her make-up until then.  Trust is incredibly sexy.
Angela held out her hand and invited me into her living room by the big fireplace.
She taught me that soft gentle pressure was a wonderful sensation for the both of us.
Three wonderful bloggers have extended intensely personal and greatly appreciated invitations to visit their fine cities, and one asked just what would happen if I happened to get a plane ticket.  I don’t think my heart has every pounded so hard., or if I ever considered an answer so carefully.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Funny Monday

OK, to be honest, I've been a bit blase about writing all weekend.  I haven't even tried until this morning on the bus and the only thing that came out of my stuffy little fingers was a depressing recap of my Houston trip (except for a lovely dinner with a friend), so I couldn't bring myself to post it.  So, I did the next best thing, I got to work, hookedin into our unfiltered vendor network, and looked for something to make me laugh. 

You have probably all seen this, but I hadn't and it cracked me up. 



As I was searching, and most of my searches started with http://www.si.com/ and then just went from there, I ran across a web-site that used to be the hottest thing around.  They still have pretty women in pretty poses, but I just never go there anymore...

For those still not ready for Christmas, here are some Christmas Card ideas...

I don't talk about it a lot, but I was a pretty good athlete in high school, but as with any sport, it's all about the fans.


 So, what should I say about Houston? 
1 - No she didn't write back.  Not a call, e-mail, text, or poke.  Her sister and I are still friends but I didn't even ask about her.  What's done, is done, and let laying dogs lie, and don't punch a gift horse in teh mouth, and what goes around comes around so make sure you have a tissue to clean-up, or whatever. 

2 - I got to see 90% of the people I wanted to see and said good bye and got promises that they would write a reference for me on LinkedIn.

3 - My boss was out of town so I didn't need to have that awkward, "Well, um, sorry I had to fire you" conversation.

4 - I had a wonderful dinner with a friend of mine.  She knows my situation, I know heres, and it was great to share good food, great conversation, lots of laughter, and a warm hug at the end. 

5 - I flew home with a beautiful blonde in the seat next to me.  Great hair, long legs, a nice smile, and oh, yea, she was 16 years old, so I helped her with her math homework and then ignored  her for 2.5 hours.  :-)  Besides, her dad was about 6'2" and chiseled like a freaking statue, so going to jail in a body cast was a definate possibility....

As I got off the plane and hailed a Taxi to take me to my car at the office, I got a bit misty as I realized anew that those people are gone for the most part.  E-mails will be exchanged and I'll add a few of them to the Christmas card mailing list, but it's not like we are going to ever see each other again.  That part is sad, but inevitable.  So a chapter closes and we move on.

On an upbeat note, it's raining today, traffic was horrible, and I'm in no mood to write up all the work I did in Houston.  But I better get to it.  Have a great Monday!

and, what the heck, in honor of the rain...


Linda in monsoon rain brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

Friday, December 9, 2011

FFF - Fresh Roast Roasted


I rolled over and hit my head on a side table that didn’t exist the night before and tripped over shoes I didn’t own and landed on carpet that was not mine.  I staggered to feet I could not feel and looked for pants I could not find.  The smell of burnt coffee just added to the problem

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The sun came through the window and danced off the large copper bowl on the wall.  It played across her face as if the sun, the window, the bowl, and the air were designed to make her even more beautiful.  She sipped heat from her ever-present mug.  Every kiss tasted of warmth and spice, and her skin smelled of dry roast overdone, burnt to bring out the bitter edge she kept well hidden.  She ran down our schedule, tourist traps, beaches, a small museum shop for Christmas presents, and dinner at her ex-girlfriend’s home to start the holiday.  She moved about the hodge-podge kitchen and stirred up eggs and Banana Chia pancakes.  Every day was a new flavor with her, and I could barely take it in.  She smiled and put her foot on the stove, showing herself under the simple robe.  She set down her coffee and extended her hand, “I think we have time before we go.”
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Not a lot of commentary today as this post is already late in coming up.  I wrote the first ditty as i was falling asleep in the hotel room, waking up at 3:17 to roll off my laptop and shut everything down, glad that it hadn't been deleted by my hip.
She seems happy in the pictures, up early for coffee and breakfast, but present enough to brush out her beautiful long hair and get a fresh flower from the bouquet on the porch.  She smiles, knowing that she has a full day planned or her visitor who finally accepted the offer of a plane ticket and a holiday.
Get over to the home of FFF and get to reading, and better, sign up for next week and get to writing!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Athlete Extraordinaire...

Are you really going to tell me that strippers aren't athletes?




Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Wednesday's Waiting

I've been telling my friend that, when I'm out of workin January, that I'm going to be painting parts of my house and working in the wood shop. But seriously, I think this painting project would be a lot more fun.



SuperSCAR/Roustan Body Paint from Roustan on Vimeo.

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And, for those of you who are keepign track at home, I have NOT heard from my Houston friend here at work. She's had all weekend, Monday, and yesterday to respond, so I'm done worrying about it. All of my memories of her are wonderful and so we will leave it at that.

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Hooters, for all its wonderful tackiness, was the perfect place for dinner last night. It wax Sexy Santa Tuesday and they certainly lived up to their name. Nothing makes a salad better than saucy on the side.

The waitresses there, the good ones, a a little like strippers (in a good way).  They have great people skills, they are fun and flirty, they get you to stay longer than you planned, spend more money than you should, and send you hope with your ego pumped up just a little bit, even if it's all just make-believe.  But isn't that what Santa is all about?  The hope that we get a special package under the tree?

And yes, for those who are wondering, she knows I took her picture, in fact, I e-mailed it to her...   :-)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

It never made sense in the first place

Stop everything else, and watch this film. you will not regret it.
If your parent's graduated high school in the 80's, this will bring you closer together.
If you graduated during that time yourself, remember just how cool over-sized suits really were.
If this is just "crazy kids music," then, maybe you should find another blog.


Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense from Karsten Elmer on Vimeo.
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1. If you were a car, which one would you be? What are some of your best features?

        Maybe this guy.  Works hard, gets around, knows what he's doing, but would rather get paid than noticed.  Best features, never gets lost, but admits it when he does, and the best part of his day is picking up beautiful women who give him money.


2. If I gave you an elephant where would you hide it?

         I would hide it here.  Dressed as a lion tamer in wheel chair with a mirrored contact lens, I'd finally fit in to my favorite commercial.



   

3. Finish this sentence: Tomorrow I absolutely refuse to….

        Chicken Out - I sent her the e-mail, and if she responds, I'm going to go see her, and if she lets me, I'm going to kiss her the way I should have kissed her three years ago.  but don't worry, she's not going to.

4. What is the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower?

        If you count camping, then it wold be 9 days unless swimming counts as "bathing."  Over Thanksgiving week I went 3 1/2 days without showering just because of weird schedules and activities (mostly outside).  As a kid I discovered that jerking off in the shower was the best place ever.  No one could hear you, and the mess cleaned itself up.  I was the cleanest kid in school.


5. What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?

I don't do pranks. I killed a man once, he didn't think it was that funny though.



Bonus: What is the best piece of gossip that you heard recently?

That CJ is NOT getting laid off with the rest of us, but has cut a deal with Finance to stay on for a few months, but the joke's on him, their project is going to tank soon. Because, well, CJ's going to be in charge of it. Oh, and I heard that the hot guy from security is gay. I'm not sure if the rumor is true, but his boyfriend thinks it is, so I may believe it.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Superseded.

Superseded.

I sing in my church choir.  When you are done laughing, you may continue....

Our director is a great guy, very nice, enthusiastic, sincere about his faith, and picks good music, though we repeat some of his favorites too often.  OK, no big deal.  He's a volunteer, we aren't that good, and few people put in the time and the energy, so I'm grateful he's doing it.  However, he's going to miss a Sunday during December so our pianist will conduct while the old pianist plays. 

He stood up and started and within 30 seconds I remembered, so THIS is what a real conductor is like.  He's smart and funny and knows his music, and can sing more than just his part, and has ideas on phrasing an dynamics and actually teaches you to be a better singer.  I get it now.  The old guy has just been superseded in a major way. 

A better, smarter, faster, leaner, younger, harder, longer, thicker, curvier, skinnier, older, younger... whatever, has just entered the building you you are fucked.  Superseded.  No longer required.  Obsolete.

Sure, the old guy can do in a pinch, and if new guy's not around he'll be just fine and after a while you'll forget about the new guy, but you'll always know that you sang better when new guy was around.  OK, now I know this is sounding a bit homoerotic, but both conductors are men, and I'm a men, and so, you know, the metaphor takes on a life of it's own.

But we all fear that moment, that time when we are no longer needed, we've been surpased, or we've dropped back in the pack to the land of pleasant memories and "Oh yea, I remember you."

This really isn't a sad post, it's just that I've been thinking as I discuss on-line relationships and romantic attachments and the like.  We who live on-line are always 2nd to real-world relationships, or we aren't as witty as the next guy.  And I do the same at times.  Like a kid in a candy store, I'm looking out for the next sweet treat, until it no longer tastes good, or the sweet no longer wants to be eaten.  (I crack myself up with such bad puns).

It's not even a bad thing all the time.  We grow, we learn, we move on, we substitute experience for enthusiasm and we relax anr realize that, "Yes, I know what I'm doing, now leave me alone."

Friday, December 2, 2011

My Phone

I love my phone.  I love it.  OK, I don't love the phone itself, it's a simple Blackberry by RIM, it does a great job getting corporate e-mails, the occasional text from a friend, pictures of trees that got blown over in my Dad's backyard, and lots and lots of reminders about stuff that I have really lost interest in doing...  (Attending next month's planning meeting for a company I will no longer work for?  No thanks.)

What I love is the miracle of the telephone and voice.  Her voice, or her's, or her's.  It's wonderful.

Today I had to discipline a friend for failing to complete a very simple instruction.  Not pleasant, but important.  She asked permission to call to make amends.  What a beautiful request. 

At the time of her e-mail I was dining with friends but needed a reason to leave so I told her to call.  The call came in, I pointed at my phone in mock despair and gave the universal signal for "I have to take this call because it is way more important that you people who actually made the effort to physically gather together share a meal." 

Luckily, we were at the end of lunch and it acted as the excuse we all needed to clear our table and start going back to work. 

"What do you have to say?"
"I'm sorry"
"Sorry?  For what?"
"I'm sorry for not following instructions."
“Do you have a good reason?”
“No, I fell asleep.”
“Then do you deserve your reward?”
“No”
“No…..what”
“No Sir.”
We then had a pleasant conversation about her day, the importance of obedience, the nature of life, and her latest workout at the gym.
Then, she stated her needs.
“I want to play.”
Her honestly in that statement made my pulse race and I waved my friends on up ahead.  They were already confused by my side of the conversation for it wasn’t what I would say to my wife or kids, but, hearing only ½, they just rolled their eyes.
I walked along the quiet blocks of overpriced homes, careful not to trip over tree-lifted sidewalks or downed branches from the severe weather. 
“Where are you?”
“On my bed.”
“Are you alone?”
“Yes”
“Spread…”
The power of voice, the ability to hold a 4-ounce slab of technology in your hand and share such intimacy gives great power to both parties.  Separated by miles and time zones, the sound of her voice stirs me.  The instructions are offered and followed, enjoyed, and shared back in shrieks and moans in an empty house.
She catches her breath and regains her speech, and we talk of weather and friends, and Christmas plans and trouble with life.  I smile sweetly at the old woman, laden with a ½ gallon of milk and a few vegetables as she walks past me.  Did she hear the words so wantonly used just moments before?  Is her immigrant English good enough to understand the slang of pleasure and dominance?  Will she go home and remove the aging khaki pants and relive the overheard conversation, or shake her head at the immorality of youth?
“Pull your knees up to your chest.” 
We begin again. 
Voice, instructions, compliance, questions, descriptions, breathless pleading and quiet permissions given.
The power of the phone, the voice, carries emotion that words will never carry.  You can never type the intensity of a cry, the hiss of breath through clenched teeth, the sharp sting of a slap on wet flesh. 
“NOW!” 
She complies instantly and the signals speeds from her phone to the tower to the satellite to the nearest tower to my hand as I sit on the wall in the warm fall breeze and control her every move. I know within an instant that she is crashing through again, gasping, heaving, clenching on command to pure release.
I walk along, enjoying the time away from my desk, the bright sun, the singing birds, the soft roll of tires and the roar of engines as cars that match the cost of the homes drive by.  Three men approach from behind.  Do I keep talking and reveal the true nature of the call, or do I make chit-chat and preserve our privacy?
Chit-chat prevails and I learn of her schedule, the drama in her brother’s life, the need she has for a wax and a haircut before her company Christmas party.  The men walk by and leave the range of my voice.
“Have you learned your lesson?”
“Yes Sir.”
“Good Girl, I have one more choice for you.”
“Yes?”
“One more now, or two this evening with an offering?”
“Both.”
Her needs thrill me.
Instructions are given, an offering is agreed to, a schedule defined.  She will get her wish.
“Roll over…”

The power of voice. 
God Bless, Alexander Graham Bell and Watson, and all the rest.
Thank you very, very, much.