TMI - P&P, or We always hurt the ones we love.

Pain and Pleasure

This is one of those topics where, if I tell the truth, the vanilla truth, some of my friends will go, “WTF?  That’s not how you talk to me…”

So, with TMI I try to tell the truth, but only when it’s sexy or funny. Also, you’ll notice that the questions talk about what I like, not what I do.  There is, when others are involved, a vast difference.

1. Which do you enjoy more in bed, pain or pleasure?

Silly question since pain leads to pleasure, so the answer is “Yes”.  The phrase I use more often than I want to is, “You don’t have to be so gentle.”  “BITE”  “PINCH”  “HARDER.  Come on woman, I’m 5’10” and 200 pounds, I’m not going to break.  Let me have it!

2. Do you like being tickled during sex? Where?

I don’t mind being tickled, but what’s the point if I’m not tied to something when it happens.  And we all know that’s not going to happen.

3. Have you ever used feathers during sex?

Last week, my friend WORD shared the following joke:

Sexy is using a feather.
Kinky is using the whole chicken.

Because tickling isn’t really my thing, I’ll have to answer “No.”

4. Do you like to be blindfolded during sex? Why?

OH FUCK YES!  The old cliché that when you cut off one of the sense the other’s get more involved is totally true.  This is also why I like fucking in total darkness.  Shades drawn, door closed, nightlights unplugged, phones off, everything off.  Everything becomes alien, unknown, there are no cues as to what’s going on, everything must be stated, asked for.  It’s a wonderful feeling.

5. Have you ever used cold or heat as part of your sex play? What provided the cold or heat?

I’m hot for her, she’s cold for me.  Does that count?

We/I love the summer heat for sex outside, source, the sun.

And she hates being cold, so we don’t have sex during the winter or in months that have more than 3 Tuesdays.

6. Do you enjoy being spanked, giving spankings, or both?

Smack my cock around and grab my nutsack and I’m a happy guy.  Just show me that you like playing with them.  I’ll be the spanker, but I’ve never seen the attraction in bruises and pain.

7. Do you have a safeword? Have you ever used it?

The ultimate safeword that stops all sexual activity is  “Well, the kids are in bed, what’s on TV?”  We also would have accepted “I do” or “Hello Honey, I’m home.”  The bonus answer is, “Who was that slut on your computer monitor?”  All of these earn full points and sympathy from the judges.

I did have a safe word with a GF in college though we didn’t call it that.  After starting and stopping a serious dry-humping/makeout/mutualmastrubationeverythingbutpenetration session, she stopped me and said, “Listen, if I want you to stop, I’ll tell you.” 

She never did.

Bonus: Tell us in 3-4 sentences the most painful or pleasurable sexual experience you have had.

This is an easy one.  Fall 87 (lesbian girl), or I could go with Spring of 82 (Karen), same story, different girls, more pain, less panic in 87.

Fall of 87, just back from a semester on the East Coast for school.  Ex-roommate calls for a night of bar-hopping, but we only hop one when we run in to an all-girls birthday party that was in its 4^th day.  She was a knock-out and pretty and pretty drunk, kind of.  I was the designated driver (hence the phone call and invitation) and I had been drinking gallons of ice water, free soda, and seltzer.  I was peeing every 15 minutes and it was coming out cold.  She was all over me, the good boy, the driver.  We make out, feel each other up, play tonsil-hockey, I get a hand inside her shirt and then down her pants, and I think she might have cum once while we were dancing.  Skip forward an hour or two as we are all saying good-bye.  I get my sloshed friends into his car (you should only throw-up in your own car) and she’s leaning against my chest stroking my 4-hour erection through my jeans.  I should have just let myself go right there, but I didn’t, and I said good night.

I drop off Glen (tangent friend) and then Scott (Better friend and school chum), and then Jeff, (roommate, confidant, ass wipe, lech, user, but I’m not bitter anymore.)

I drop off Jeff switch back to my own car, and WHAM!  It hits me.  The absolute worst case of blue balls of all time.  I’m driving and have to pull over.  Not only do I have to pee out the last gallon of free designated driver drinks, but my nuts are so engorged and painful that the very thought of orgasm makes me wince.  There was no comfortable position in which to sit.  I stayed hard and every rub of fabric on my cock was like a flame thrower to the skin.  I pulled over, threw-up a little, and prayed to God to let me pee.  Nothing.    Funny Joke God, very funny.  I should have let her stroke me off in the parking lot, but no, I was being good, and now I’m being put through hell.  I found a drug store, bought a $12 bottle of Extra-Strength You Know This Is Going To Hurt medicine and another dreaded soda, and I swallowed them down. 

An idea comes in to my head and I pull the beach blanket from my trunk and put it underneath me on the driver’s seat.  This is in my car now.  This was no time for pride, I was minutes away from some sort of physiological Nagasaki and steps had to be taken.  I roll down the window and let out a scream and power-gulp the remaining drink until my body rebels and let’s loose.  If I drank 2 gallons that night I peed out three right there while driving along Crestline Lane just south of the Circle K by Jeff’s house.  Never before, in the history of peeing has a moment so embarrassing been so welcome.  And thank the heavens for washable slacks and picnic blankets from Mexico.

As an end-note, I was still sore the next day when we met at the park for a picnic.  As she lay out in her bikini on the grass and I sat next to her in my shirt and tie from the office, she told me that she was really drunk and that she was really a lesbian, and that the woman yelling at us from the porch of the club was her Girlfriend.  Yeah, I’d say it was painful.

The other story, and I’ll make it shorter, was at a church youth retreat.  Karen and I ditched the final “Witness meeting” and made out in the quaking aspens.  Ohh, she was so beautiful, the perfect high school blond.  Anyway, 2 hours of heavy petting later I go to the college dorms doubled over in pain.  My roommate is about to call Emergency for appendicitis when an older friend walks in and asks me what I was doing during Witnessing.  He was cool so I told him, and he burst out laughing.  You don’t have appendicitis, you have blue balls.  What an idiot!” he said on his way out.  I had to agree. 

Is that TMI enough?  and, did I go over the limit on the bonus question? 
I kind of lost count.

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Happy TMI Tuesday!