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FFFolded

2012-02-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

She was beautiful as she lay back, inviting him, pleading with him, "Make me yours..."

He saw her flesh, wet, pink, the culmination of months of flirting, countless chats, exchanged pictures, then her beautiful voice on skype, the phone, stolen hours at work, and now, she was about to be his.

"Please" she pleaded.

His tears fell, he raged inside, willing himself hard, but it was no use, the pills had worn off, he had folded his tent and gone home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He loved this moment, lived for it really, as the light from the changed from a roaring presumptuous dancing yellow, to the subdued ember oranges that gave her body just the right hue.

She looked up at him and smiled, she made him so much more than he was on his own. Her fingers danced on her skin and then rested on her ribs as she positioned herself. "I love you" he whispered as her body folder around his. "I love you to."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the standard warnings he always ignored, but it was her birthday, so.......
First came the mutilation, the shear pain of it made her cum twice, the surprise that he did it, twice more.
The spindle was next, long, dark, and hard. She never failed to be amazed at what he could do with it.
Then....he put her in positions she only dared try in Pilattess with a coach and a paramedic, and he fucked her in every one. As he folded her in to one more position, she new she would always be his.

TMI - Valentines Style

2012-02-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

Start here, and then come back

Whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or think it’s a consumer-oriented, manipulative and shallow interpretation of romance, just have yourself some fun by answering these TMI Tuesday questions.

1. Cupid is the god of desire, affection, and erotic love. As the myth goes, a person who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire. On your behalf, who would you like Cupid to shoot?

There are a couple of bloggers that could use an arrow in their cute little butts, but in real life it would be my boot camp instructor, or the new girl at the front desk, she looks like a lot of fun. And my wife could use a booster shot.

2. Earlier in the evening you had dinner at the Fook Yue Chinese Restaurant. You are feeling quite amorous. You open a fortune cookie in the bedroom. Three fortunes appear:

1- “Your patience will be rewarded.” What would you like that reward to be?

A weekend away, more enthusiastic oral sex, a few weekday mornings when the kids magically vanish and appear at school on time, with homework done, leaving us along in bed.

2- “Try something new.” What is the something new you want to try?
I bought her a cute little mask, and she already owns a few silk scarves, I want to try some light bondage, just to play, to change things up, but I really think she's got a mental block there....

3- ” ’tis better to give than receive.” What would you like to give?

Orgasm #2-5. She stops after one, but I have a sneaking suspicion that there are more just waiting to come out. She holds back because "enough is enough" and "too much is, well, too much."

3. If you were to write a special Valentine message (e.g., card, letter, etc.) what is that message?

On this special day, I look at you across the room and am amazed at the wonderful and mother you are. You bring so much love and attention to our family that I realize very day, just how lucky I am to have you, and how lucky I am that you never looked at that link in the upper corner, or that I've never been caught, or that you've never really looked at our phone bill. Happy Valentine's Day.

4. Are you doing something special for Valentine’s day or is it just another day?

Because my daughter's teachers have no consideration for VD when scheduling tests, it will be a special dinner at home (the kids always decorate for us), and then date night this weekend. And yes, I've already got her gift and 2 cards (one funny, one sexy)

5. You must give chocolate to your secret Valentine for Valentine’s Day. The chocolate is in the shape of your what? Brain. We've been watching a lot of zombie movies lately.

Bonus:
You can make your own valentine heart candy. What is your message? (Go to this link. Create your candy. Post the generated Valentine candy on your blog).

Sunday Sacrilege - I'm not the only one

2012-02-12T05:00:00.000-08:00

See, I'm not the only one....

She was at services on Sunday, sitting near the front in the family pew, waiting for the Pastor to enter and make his salutations. She seemed distracted by her young ones, usually the model of perfect behavior, but I felt a little more simmering under her wide brimmed winter hat.

She should have played Little Red Riding Hood, or Snow White, I told myself. I was becoming obsessed with her, I could feel it, I can always feel it when my feelings go from admiration to want, to desire, to need. I was beginning to need her, to see her, to smell her as she walked by. I made an extra large donation at Christmas to move up closer to her family's traditional pew. No one "owned" their bench, but her family had been sitting in the front left corner, at the feet of the pastor, for many years. Rumor had it that her grandfather funded most of the building fund anonymously, but that wasn't good enough for her father, or aunt. They wanted it to be known that this House of worship belonged to God, but they held the mortgage.

She reached her breaking point with her kids and waited until the next hymn finished and scurried out with misbehaving kids in tow. I waited until the Deacons stood with their baskets, crossed myself, and walked out a different door. I circled back through the Rec Hall and found her in the Children's chapel. I have never seen her smoke, but she looked like a woman who could use a long drag on a Virginia Slims. She stood with her back against the pillar as her kids burned off steam in the smaller, more modern chapel. The door clicked shut behind me and she looked up, embarrassed over her noisy kids, chagrined at the lack of perfection, this crack in her personna.

I smiled quietly and made it clear that conversation was not required. I sat on the bench as the kids tore in to the toys in the adjacent nursery. She walked over to my pew, her $400 shoes clicking softly on the hardwood floor. Though the bench was empty, save for me, I scooted over a few inches in invitation, and she sat. her head rested on my shoulder as she unpinned her had and tossed it to the bench behind us. My arm enveloped her and she closed her eyes and, in one motion, lifted her feet up and slid her head down, until she rested like a child.

"It's so fucking tiring." she whispered, her crude word taking me by surprise. "So tiring."

She reached up and took my wrist in her hand and pulled it down between her legs, hitching up her skirt with the other until my fingers were placed firmly on the patch of wet silk. With a small motion she started my fingers moving in soft caressing circles.

"There is the women's tea and the junior bake sale....."

I felt her legs opening to me as her knees rested on parallel pews. I became bolder.

".....and don't get me started on the leadership conference, they are just...."

Her hips moved in time with my fingers as they slid the silk to the side and entered her.

".....so of course I have to attend, but who's going to take care of the Easter banners....."

Nothing moved except my fingers and her hips. Her voice dripped with loneliness and complaint as she spoke of service and activity. She reached her orgasm as my thumb found her clit and crushed it against her pelvic bones, her cunt sopping wet and dripping on to her beautiful silk dress. Her complaining stopped as she arched and clenched and stiffled an hundred cries.

She convulsed again and again and closed her legs softly around my hands and rested. Her eyes opened as I looked down on her and she smiled, but a single tear drop glistened with the exquisite beauty of fine stained glass. She righted herself, sat up, adjusted her panties as I watched. She showed not a sign of embarrasement now, but stood, collected her hat from the empty row behind us, and leaned in, kissing me on the forehead.

"You are a dear." she said.

Her over-priced shoes again clicked quietly across the hardwood floor as she entered the nursery and collected her now quiet children.

Up too late.

2012-02-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

it's never a good idea to let me stay up too late unsupervised.

My new favorite: http://www.redtube.com/133541

My kind of housewife.

Be patient, it's worth the wait

http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1599822738

X-art - Does Sara McLaughlin know she's being ripped off in porn?

2 hotties, pretty simple

~~~~~~~~~

FFF - The Rescue

2012-02-10T04:00:00.000-08:00


64-123 Light as a feather

Where did they all go?

I don’t know, just hold on, we will be out soon

They are all gone! What happened?

Shhhh, quiet now, just a little further.

Marc! Listen to me, they are all gone

I know, I know, don’t look back, we must keep moving.

The decimation spread behind us

Their ashes blew past us

Memories, as light as a feather

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I scooped her up and ran, barely feeling her in my arms, so thin, almost ethereal, her arm around my neck as light as a feather, so tired, so lost, we ran until the explosions stopped and we could run no more. My legs quivered from the panic, the flight, neither of us recognized the other, we just heard the shouting and the shooting and then the blast that shook us all. It seemed an eternity until the burning left my lungs, until I felt her sobbing into my chest.

Why? Why? Why? Her voice was anguish, her pain, unyielding.

Why?

I held her closer, acutely aware of her nakedness against mine, ashamed of the ache when so many had been lost.

Why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I hold you

Light fills me

As comfort escapes us

A dread overcomes me

Feather soft, your hair claims me

Your warmth heals me

Yet

We are lost to each other

Unable to give comfort

Miles apart while skin touches skin

Emptiness takes corporeal shape

I see you

I feel you

I hold you

Yet, Yet

You are not there

A vanished thought

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Today we pause to honor lost writers

Women that made our lives better

With words, images, thoughts, laughter, sadness, bravery

We note their passing with heavy hearts

And our world is darker without them.

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

64 words,

123 words

64 words, but does is matter? I have lost friends this week, writers I had come to know and love in their own way. Links gone dead with an untold story behind each one. A missing friend, with no closure, no story, no comforting bedtime tale to let us know they are OK.

Go see Insatiabear and let's hope someone else is in a happier mood as they write.

TMI Tuesday - Between the Sheets

2012-02-07T13:38:00.000-08:00

Better late than never, right?

TMI Tuesday this week was submitted by My Undercover Metamorphosis. Thank you! Show her some love, stop by her blog and say hello.

1. A friend is coming to have sex. There are 3 twin beds and an air mattress in the room. What do you do? (choose one)
a. Have sex where ever we land first, who needs a bed?
b. Have sex on a single twin mattress
c. Have sex on an air mattress
d. Or? (tell us your solution)
With three twins in the room, ignore the air mattress, I'm going to be the only one that pops... Plus, you can pull the three mattresses to the floor and invite some more!!

2. What is the oddest thing you have in your bedroom that someone would be surprised to find. Why is it there?
For a long time I had a replica of a Star Wars Tie Fighter that belonged to a friend who claimed to have slept with Harrison Ford (but she was, as we all know, crazy). Right now I have a dart board, unused workout equipment, and logs of PTA files. Boring, I know.

3. What are your favorite sheets?
a. Flannel
b. Cotton
c. T-shirt cotton (jersey)
d. Satin
I hate Satin, you can't get any traction and your knees slip and you land on her and then she can't breathe and she pushes you off and you slip and slide and land on the floor hitting your head on the end table. The ER nurse was cute though.

I'm all for crisp cotton, it absorbs well, washes easily, and doesn't cost a fortune. If they are on a hotel bed, all the better.

4. Do you sleep with sheets tucked in or out? Why?

Untucked the minute I get in. I'm not crazy, so why sleep in a straight-jacket? My wife's side of the bed, however, is always tucked in. Otherwise, she'd escape. :-)

5. What is your usual bedtime? Why?
a. 8-10 pm
b. 10-12 midnight
c. 12-24
d. Whenever my eyes won’t stay open any longer.

Way, way, way too late. In bed by midnight, up at 5:00a, I'm always just a touch sleepy and don't let me sit still on the couch too long, but if you do, at least cover me with a blanket.

5. Do you sleep with closet door(s) shut or open? Bedroom door shut or open? Any particular reason why?

Door is only locked during sex, luckily the kids haven't made the correlation yet. It's always open so the kids can come in if they need a little hug in the middle of the night. They leave us alone most nights, but I frequently wake up with a little one next to me.

6. Have you ever broken a bed or other furniture during sex?

My friend's bed has a little crack in it, but we never told, and they never complained.....

7. What’s your favorite type of bed for sex?

Hotel beds and beds owned by anyone but mine..... I like mine too. But it's fun there as well.

8. What do you sleep in?
a. Lingerie
b. Underwear
c. Day clothes
d. T-shirt
e. Nothing

With 3 kids wandering around (E) is not an option, it's frequently too cold for (A), and just a t-shirt is just as risky as nothing....We sleep in PJs to keep warm and avoid the discomfort of being splayed out snoring with our junk hanging out.

————-

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Back to work... oh, wait...

2012-02-06T14:36:00.000-08:00

It's Monday afternoon on the west coast, and, instead of working on the January monthly report, which is always due two days before I turn it in, I'm eating a late lunch in the post-coital glow of little quickie on the couch. Afterwards, as we were getting dressed, my wife turned to me and said, "You'll never want to go to work again, will you?"

"Nope!"

But then reality struck. I said that I thought of a great idea for the trampoline.

"Trampoline?" she said, "Haven't we checked that off the list?"

I laughed it off in the moment but that comment reflected a great deal of our problems.

"Haven't we checked that off the list?"

Yes, it was fun, I came like crazy, it was exciting, but we are done.
I liked it, sure, but do we really h ave to do it again?
Get away from there, you did that already.

If something is fun, do it again!!!

Oh well, I'm not complaining...too much....I just want a little more enthusiasm I guess.

OK, I'm done. See you tomorrow for TMI Tuesday, I think. I haven't read the questions yet.

FFF - Part 2 in 2 parts

2012-02-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

She floated from one orb to another, a non-corporeal form awash in a sea of sensation. She was no longer aware of the virtual reality suit that encased her, she only wanted to reach out and pop the next bubble. The first one tasted like peanut butter, the next reminded her of summer at Lake Powell, but the next few, …oh fuck, the pink ones burst in slow motion and filled her ears with crystalline sounds and pinpoint tingles. She sought out the next pink-hued orb and cradled it in her hand. As her concentration increased, the color deepened until a thought occurred to her… (105)

Without the weight of her body, she pictured herself naked and exposed, and assumed the position, knees up, ankles lightly crossed, thighs spread. The environment shifted, the colors intensified, she discovered the potential of VR. Tiny bubbles of light tickled at her open flesh as she concentrated on the rich pink orb. Clearing her mind of all else, she thought of him, of her, of touch, pleasure, cum, and release. She stared in to the color and felt the orbs coalescing around her, she felt atomized, shiny, crystalline, transformed, digitized, and the colors swirled

She held the orb in hand, and willed it to pop. (105)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I posted my first attempt a day early, unaware that I was working feverishly on Wednesday night instead of Thursday. I hope you enjoy that one as well. But I wanted to do some more thinking about the picture, about the unworldly aspects of sex, the out of body experience that can happen if the timing is just right and all things come together. Plus, I'd kill for a VR suit that could be this good.

(And, I PROMISE, that I wrote this before I read Panserbjorne's great piece. Perhaps I'm finally catching up to him)

As always, go out and see who else played along at Panser's place

Well Duh.....

2012-02-02T12:40:00.000-08:00

This may come as a shock to some, so please be seated as you read this. It has come to my attention, and forgive me for breaking bad news to many, but today, is, THURSDAY!!!

It is NOT, as implied by my previous post, Friday. It is not Flash Fiction Thursday, or even HNT any more, it is just Thursday. Oh, yes, and it's Ground Hog day.

So why does this matter att all? Well, it matters because I am an idiot. Well, not maybe an idiot, but I'm losing track. I love being home during the day, I'm enjoying my time away from work, and I adore the chance to be at home with my kids almost every afternoon, BUT, I am losing track. Last night, as I was doing homework with the kids, I realized I hadn't written, or posted, my FFF for the week. In a mad dash I wrote a little blurb, snuck to my laptop, and got it posted. But, since it wasn't midnight yet, Panser hadn't gotten his post up yet so I had no way to put in my link, AND, knowing that I would be busy all morning, I asked a friend of mine to add my name to the list. Mission accomplished, everythign set. Until....

Until she sent me a note asking if she had missed a day or misunderstood her assignment and she wondered, why was my post already up.. WHAT? I said, and then it hit me....

So, I'm going to leave FFF up for now, and I will try to get a new post up tomorrow, same picture, new words, and perhaps it's time to buy a calendar.

FFF - Where are you?

2012-02-02T04:00:00.000-08:00

85-105 words

"...crystalline..."

Where are you?

I’m not sure, but I’m kind of happy.

Darla, you have to tell me, where you are?

Why?

So I can come get you!

But I don’t want to leave, I’m warm and soft and it’s such a pretty pink.

Darla! Snap out of it!

I don’t want to go, I’m surrounded by color and light, and it feels so good….I think I might cum

What?

Ooooooh, Frankie, I’m going to cum Frankieeeeeeeee!

Darla!

Oh Frank, it’s wonderful in here.

Where is “here” sweetheart?

Frank, I think….I think I’m in my vagina!

Frank shook his head and strapped her to the gurney and patted the ambulance door. Another batch of crystalline meth gone bad. What a waste, and a pretty one too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Commentary to follow, if I get to it.

I think the picture is pretty, but it didn't lead me anywhere for a while, but now?

Well, let's just say a news story and a pretty girl gave me a tragically good idea.

Go visit the other players at the button below, and if you aren't writing yet, well, you know what to do.

http://insatiabear.blogspot.com/

Instructions

2012-02-01T05:00:00.000-08:00

Cum at work.
Then report

That server - I really should get someone in to check it out, I spend so much time down there by myself :-)

Back to the wall

Legs Parted

Skirt around my waist

Hose round my knees

Fingers working hard

And cum, wet sticky cum on my fingers, on my thighs, quivering legs and long breaths

Clothes adjusted

Door open

Lights off

Back to my desk

Slight flush to my face

Distinct lack of concentration

Thank you Master

Your obedience thrills me.

Good Girl.

TMI - Lets get ready for some Football!

2012-01-31T07:28:00.000-08:00

Super Bowl Sunday Celebration

(Sorry for posting late)

Even if their team is not going to the Super Bowl, millions of people love an excuse to party. So party we will. Tell us what your ideal Super Bowl Celebration (or any sports party) looks like by answering:

1. What’s your favorite _____ that you’ll serve at the party (name one item for each):

a. choice of beer/wine/distilled spirit/ - I'm not a drinker, so my parties are "dry", but I love getting a wide variety of "old fashioned" soft drinks from this little specialty shop at the mall. Soda's in real glass bottles with flavors that have been out of circulation for years.

d. choice of mixed drink - I like cranberry and OJ mixed, does that count?

e. choice of chip - With no booze, the food has to be good. Home made potato chips might be on the menu, or if not that, several bags of chips from Chipotle or the Blue Iguana, hot out of the frier with their special guacamole and salsas.
f. choice of dip - mango salsa, fresh tomato, avacado, creamy cilantro, a spicy honey mustard, it's all there.
g. choice of take-out food (pizza, burgers, Chinese food, wings, etc) - Not in my house.
h. choice of homemade food - crock-pot Swedish meatballs with grape jelly, artichoke dip (sister), deviled eggs (Nan), and a great batch of brownies from my brother.
i. choice of salty food - The Chipotle chips are really hard to beat.
j. choice of sweet food - my brothers brownies, no thing illegal about them, but with a two layer mint topping to die for.

2. What will you wear at the party? - I have got to go shopping.... I need a pair of jeans with no paint, some NY Giants boxers, maybe a Patriot's hat, but the best place to get them is the swap meet in Downtown LA where NOTHING is official and the names of the teams, or the colors are always wrong. Nothing beats a NY Giants ha in Red and Gold.

3. You will be having your very own half time show at the football party. What is that half-time show? Briefly describe. - Yea, we'll be having a big old orgy during lunch. We've got the tall hot chich with the bad foot, a skanky sister in law and her skank daughter for dancing, a 1/2 drunk brother-in-law with ED, and a mother in law with a bad hip. It's going to be hot, but we have to be careful or the paramedics ruin things...

4. What team do you wish was playing in the Super Bowl? - The Seattle Seahawks and the New Orleans's Saints.

5. The NY Giants and New England Patriots are in Super Bowl 2012, who do you want to win? (ummm…yeah, I had to google that info…LOL) I could vote for the Patriots because of Tom Brady's wife (2) (3), but I have to go with the Giants, it's so nice to see a special-needs quarterback doing so well at the professional level.

Bonus: Have you ever made a football (or Super Bowl) bet that involved sex? Tell us about your own Super Bowl of Sex.

Well, I've had season-ending sex where it was our last game together, I've had celebratory sex, (strangely enough we had celebration sex when we found out that we were pregnant for the first time), but I guess if you combine Sunday (a weekend away), lot of penalties (I say stupid stuff), a 1/2 time show (lunch with other guests at the B&B) , and a 1st and 2nd half, then it would be our trip to wine country a few years ago. My sister got away for a weekend from her job and I had her come up to surprise my wife with a weekend away from the kids (2 at the time). I had packed most of her stuff, so when sis showed up we were 90% ready to go. We only drove for a couple of hours to where I had reservations at a great little B&B. Saturday was spent in Wine Country, roaming the beautiful countryside and taking photographs at every turn. The other B&B guests were terrific and our bed was amazing. After a busy day Saturday, we ate a lite breakfast downstairs and then made love long and slow on top of this amazing down comforter. We watched some TV, and then I went down on her while she watched and, to her surprise, she came again. We snuggled and napped and slept and woke up for lunch. It was kind of obvious we hadn't left the building, and the owner's wife gave my wife "that look" which made her blush. We heard a run down of the other guest's day and had to admit we hadn't gotten out yet. We went back upstairs and I took her by the hand and put the comforter on the floor and took her doggy style and she came again. It was wonderful. Finally she pulled me up on the bed and got on top. With her naked body above me and her vibe buzzing contentedly between us we came together. 4 for her, 2 for me, and about 6 hours in bed. That is a Super Sunday.

Bonus Bonus: Will you watch the Super Bowl? Do you even care about the Super Bowl? American football at all? What’s your can’t live without sport?

I think we are going to my mother-in-law's house, but we should go to my wife's brother's house. He has a new 72" big screen in his new house and it's gorgeous. He should host everything until the end of time. If we go, I'll watch, if we stay at home, the game will be on for a while and then we will 'just check' what is on Disney channel and that will be the end of it. I'll keep track via SI.com, but I haven't watched a full game start-to-finish in years. No big deal. Maybe we'll send the kids away and have another Super Sunday of our own. (just kidding, that will never happen)

The sport I can't live without.....? None really. I run, swim and train, but I'm too busy to sit and watch anything. I will say that I'm thrilled that the LA Clippers are doing better, we need to take those Punk Lakers down a notch or two.

Thanks to Virtual Sin for this week’s TMI Tuesday theme and help with the questions.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblogfrom your website!

Sunday Sacrilege - Who knows?

2012-01-29T05:00:00.000-08:00

found on
http://petite-conne.tumblr.com/

Someone teased me about using too many naked nuns, but who could resist this one, and besides, I wanted to lighten the mood.

It's no secret I fantasize about the women I go to church with. I wonder what they are like in bed, do the swallow and do they moan?

Is K as sexy as I hope she is or does she bitch about his technique like she complains about his job?

Is C the quiet girl at home, or does she spread those beautiful cheeks and beg to fucked in the ass, "Come on Mickey, you know you like it!"

And what about the pastor's wife? With 6 kids she's got to like it a little, does her squirrly little laugh make him hard as she giggles and jiggles on top of him?

What are these women like. JC is probably frigid, that's why R is so depressed, or maybe she's the Domme that no one suspects. After all, she does have a thing for black leather boots. And what about J? Pudgy, funny, always smiling, dressing clothes a little too tight, but always, always holding her husband's hand and laughing. Maybe she's the best lay of all, because she's happy.

Who knows? I don't, but I'm dying to find out.

be happier in the waiting.

2012-01-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

Nature abhors a vacuum, and so does our mind. We try to fill in the gaps with and explanation before one is even needed, and the immediacy of the Internet makes things worse. We expect our "other" to be on-line and available all the time. ALL the time, and when minutes, hours, or, heaven forbid, days go by, we assume the worst and we take that pre-emptive strike. I'm old enough to remember writing letters, sending them off, and having to wait days for a phone call in return. We've trained ourselves to expect NOW to be 10 seconds ago. It's not good for any of us, so we are certainly with you in your worries, but I think we all need to relax a bit, and try to be happier in the waiting.

I wrote this in response to a post by Luna Moon and I've been thinking about it more since then.

To be happy in the waiting.
To be confident in the silence.
To be content in knowing that we are loved and that we love in return.

It is hard to do in our digital age. Politicians rise and fall minute by minute as fickle voters give them "Thumbs up" or "Thumbs Down" based on a zinger over health care, or a stupid statement over immigration. Lovers come and go based on a good e-mail, a well chosen picture, or a poorly worded tweet.

Really? did she just say what I thought she said? She it out! That bitch! Oh, wait, you meant that "A storm is brewing was about the weather? Oh, shit, I'm sorry.....Come back! Damn, Oh well, who's next?

We fall in and out of infatuation too easily, too quickly in both directions, we are unhappy in the waiting. I track 4 time zones on my phone in addition to the US zones that are readily recalled. I know when my "others" are awake and "should be" on-line to read my e-mails. And 2 hours later, with no response, my thoughts race to explain, until I realize she turns off her phone at work or her hands are covered in paint, or the hospital doesn't allow cell phones because it makes patients explode. Then I start tracking quitting time, and heaven help you if you go out to dinner with your husband and ignore ME for another hour, and damn why can't you play, where is everyone?????

We are impatient in the waiting Test results take days, and we want our bad news in minutes. We listen to the soundbite, but not the argument, we look for the zinger, but not the conclusion, we think mottoes are too long and bumper stickers could use some serious editing.

A friend is on hiatus from the Internet and it has taught me a lesson. Write, wait, do something else, and then smile when her name appears. She's still out there, she is still my friend, but her real life, her physical life, comes first, and that is a good thing.

As I have been home and not at my desk with a locked door for 8 hours, I learning patience, to turn off my phone and leave it off. My friends are still there, being cute, losing weight, acting sexy, writing smut, making me cum, helping me smile. I am finding joy in the waiting, because I know you are out there, waiting for me too.

Sex is important, right?

2012-01-27T10:25:00.000-08:00

I am finding it more and more frustrating when people discounts the importance of sex in our lives. I'm not talking about the "I'm so horny I could burst" importance, which is important, but the fundamental role that sex plays in our lives. Every time I open blogger I read stories of passion and heartache over the role that sex, attraction, desire, release, and need play in our lives.

Some people have husbands that aren't interested, others have spouses that are cheating, or they are cheating themselves, some want spankings while others want intimacy. Some want bondage and leather, while others want variety and group involvement. The disjointed relationships make for interesting reading but they all point to our inability to honestly deal with the topic. How nice it would be to bring up sexuality as we drive down the road or go shopping or chat over the phone during work.

"Honey, I enjoyed the sex last night, but I didn't cum and I want to take more time for myself tonight. Maybe we could fuck after dropping the girls off at the church dance."

"Dear, how about we talk to the Andersons and see if they'd like to have sex with us next weekend. I know you enjoy working with her in the PTA."

"Janice, I've noticed you looking bored during sex, how about some new toys or some pain play, and oh, yes, your Mom called and she's coming over for dinner on Sunday."

Instead we get so uptight, we deny that it's important, we pull back and censor ourselves again and again. One of the reasons yesterday was so good for me was that I held my ground and asked for outdoor sex. most of the time we hide our needs, we close our mouths and we put up with less than we want.

I want to be able to talk about sex with my friends from church without being labeled a pervert. I want to understand the challenges that Mike and Daryl and Tony are facing withing them thinking I want to fuck them or their wives (even though Mike's wife is on the list). I want parents and teachers and doctors to be able to say what needs to be said.

My wife and I struggle with this like most couples, but we are getting better. I want her to express her desire more freely, and I want to be able to ask for things without being judged. I don't expect her to agree to every request, but the conversation itself shouldn't be taboo.

"Dear, a few years ago we had anal and you came really hard and I loved the experience, can we try it again?" Why is the question itself off-limits?

"You know I like it when you play with my nipples, I want you to be rougher with me, don't be afraid, I'll tell you if it's too much."

"Yes, I want to tie you to the headboard, the thought arouses me a great deal."

We need to be able to talk!!

This was all sparked by a great article that I've linked to below. I think you'll enjoy it.

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/27/why-i-orgasmed-in-an-mri-scanner/?hpt=hp_c2

How can the study of human sexuality be considered useless? This is something that is prevalent in each and every one of our lives. When we’re not having sex, we’re talking about it. When we’re not talking about it, we’re thinking about it. And when we’re not thinking about it, we worry that something is wrong with us.

Sex is a primary source of human motivation and can change the way we act and the way we feel in quite dramatic ways. And this isn’t something that occurs solely in the privacy of our bedrooms: You see sex at play in advertising and marketing, in problems in the work place, in self-esteem and identity, in pleasure and reward, and also in the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.

A beautiful sunny day.....

2012-01-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

There are reasons that homes in southern California are expensive:

We are close to the beach

We have Disneyland, Magic Mountain, and Knotts Berry Farm

We have skiing in the winter

And we have Hollywood!

But the main reason I'm willing to pay top dollar for my house in SoCal is the weather that allowed me to have sex on my trampoline in the middle of the afternoon on January 26th.

80 degrees, a slight wind to cool the skin, blue skies that made the white trim on my house pop out at you like the world's best Hi-Def television. It was weather at its most perfect. I woke up late this morning and made a mad dash to the gym to start my class on time. Cruise Girl (really a woman almost my age) looked stunning and was chatty after class about a new job she may start soon. I knew, even in the rush to get ready, that I wanted to have sex today. The kids are in school, D1 and D2 had to stay late, I was caught up on my job hunting duties, and the calendar was open.

I dropped hints as soon as I got back from the gym, but she had calls to make and e-mails to write and a quick errand. When she got through all that, the mood was still there and I let her know that I had my eye on some "outside play time".

"Outside? Really?" Not the most enthusiastic response, eh?

An hour later and one argument later, she decided that sex could be on the list. I was pissy after the argument but when she brought up the idea I decided to go along with it.

"So where? The couch? Bed?"

"Outside". I was feeling bold, strong, and I wanted my outside time on such a beautiful day. Besides, I got to flex my Dom muscles earlier in the day and my blood was still up.

"OK, but move the trampoline next to the fence."

"Nope, but I will get the blankets."

I was holding my ground and smiled as she stripped down to her bra and panties. I had already grabbed the lube and her vibrator and lead the way out the door.

There are really some times when sex is better than just sex, and this was one of them. She was laughing through her nervousness, and, to her immense credit, didn't stop when I pulled the sheet back while her head bobbed up and down my cock.

"What if someone sees us?" she asked a dozen times.

"So what?" was my reply every time. And every time we got started again.

The sky was so blue and her eyes, a matching shade, sparkled as she rolled them every time I pulled the sheets down. Bare skin on a summer's day is.... wait, oh right, it's January!!!

I do so love California.

She climbed on top and let me finish hard though she told me to stop bouncing so much, and then we rolled over, got her vibe,, and within seconds and a few light touches, she moaned her approval and came.

The phone rang as we rested, sweaty under a sheet in 80f weather, but satiated for the moment and very happy for a bit.

Call my realtor and tell her I'm never moving.

At the kitchen table....

2012-01-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine said she liked my blog because I didn’tfeel compelled to talk about sex all the time. Well, she may want to skip this post.

At the kitchen table, just 12 paces away (I chacked, and we have a small house) sits my wife and her best friend. I’ve been banished tothe office to “work”, “watch Jon Stewart” and “update my resume.” But when those words come out of my wife’s mouth, all I hear is “Wank”,“watch porn”, and “update Tumblr”

Sitting next to her is her best friend, one of them, at least, and by far the prettiest. No, not the prettiest. Cindy is pretty, Jane is sexy. She is slim, exotic, beautiful brown eyes, a tight little ass, surgically enhanced breasts (that didn’t need it in the first place), and short cropped hair, just right for the pulling. As they sit and talk, I am on the phone witha friend, guiding her as she drives, not with direction, for she knows the way to Target quite well enough, but with instructions.

     She is driving a quiet road, little traffic, and my instructions are clear.
     What are you wearing?
     Jeans, lime green panties, black t-shirt, white bra, you know, the one with the front hook.
     Unclasp your bra and play with your left nipple
     She gasps and moans as I lead her to touch and pinch and pull, then caress
     Make a fist with your free hand,and with the fist, begin tapping your clit through your jeans
     What the fuck?
     Do it.
     I can hear her breathingchange as she obeys.
     Roll down the window
     She complies and the sounds ofthe street add to her voice as her rhythmic pounding continue
     Harder
     Oh, oh, oh, her voice tightens
     Harder!
      Oh God, oh fuck….Please, please, please…..
     Please what? You know I hate incomplete questions
     Oh god, please, please may I cum, I’m so wet, I’m so…. Please Master.
     HARDER!

I can almost hear her fist hitting against her swollen clit, trapped within her damp jeans, wrapped up in almost translucent cotton as her panties absorb as much as they can.
     Who is your Master?
     You are.
     Who is my slut?
     I am.
     Then you may cum.

Her voice fills the car and rolls out her window on to the street. A passerby from across the street looks her way and they make eye contact. She laughs and moans as her orgasm spreads and soaks her. I can hear it in her voice that she is not finished.

     How long until Target?
     I can see it.
     Park, quickly.
     Tell me about her, the friend
     You want to hear my fantasy about another woman?
     Yes Master, I want to hear it.

She’s 5’4”, 5”8 in her high heeled boots. Snooty, an arrogant air about her, but fun, and flirty, and a fan of mine. She always talks to me, conversations full of hints and allegations, but no plans. We talk for 10, 15 minutes before she even asks to talk to my wife, and then I get the look, the “why were you talking to her for so long?” look. I just laugh and hand over the phone.

     So, you want me to tell you how I’m going to fuck her?
     Yes Master, tell me.
     And what will you be doing while you listen?
     I’ve parked, I’m secluded. May I touch myself?
     You may touch yourself. Good girl.

Jane is in jeans, high heeled boots, a green shirt, and brown leather jacket. Very cute. Her jeans are tight and they highlight her slender hips. Over lunch they laugh until I hear the phone ring. My wife takes it, greeting the head of the student association on the phone and she makes her apologies and steps in to the back room to take the call.

I walk out and greet her. The boy, her son, plays blissfully in the yard. I stand close to her, too close as she sits at the table eating her burrito, and she asks how long my wife will be on the phone.

“20 minutes, at least. There was a problem at the school today. They will be a while.”

“OK”

My hand drifts to her shoulder, to her collar bone, and then down her blouse, cupping her right breast in my hand and finding the nipple through the thin fabric of her bra. It is firm, and tight, and I roll in in my fingers, making it grow. She shifts and I reciprocate and my hand is on bare skin, cupping her, feeling the weight as she stifles a gasp.

“20 minutes? Are you sure?”

“18 now. Don’t waste my time.”

She unbuttons to give me better access and turns to face me, quickly unzipping my jeans and freeing my cock from inside my boxer shorts. Her mouth is warm and tight as she envelopes me.

     Oh fuck yes (my phone friend responds).
     All the while I hear her gasping and touching as she has permission.

Her small mouth is heaven around me as I begin to move in and out. With the clock ticking in my head. I debate what to do next, but the answer comes quickly.

I take her by the hand and move in to the living room. My wife's voice is muffled through the bedroom door and I pause to make sure the conversation is still in full swing. Jane is already unbuttoning her jeans and I kneel in front of her and slip them down. I reach past the couch and open the windows and then do the same behind the TV. The open windows force her to be quiet, and the cross-breeze will carry the fragrance of our coupling outside. Stacks of folded laundry remain on the floor from the previous night and I grab a gym towel and lay it over the arm rest. I turn her around and pull her jeans over her hips and down to her thighs. Small expensive panties barely cover her and
the wet spot is evident and makes me smile.

Pulling it aside I devour her.

     Oh GOD! She screams over the phone. Please, please, please.......
     Not yet, I want your fingers in deep, that's what you wanted, right?
     To be fucked in the parking lot like a little slut?
     Yes, Yes, Yes... please master, Please let me cum.
     Not yet.

Jane's wetness drips and I am thankful for the towel's protection. The new couches don't need to be stained, yet. I pull her cheeks open and taste her from front to back, coating her with our shared juices as she jogs in place to get her pants over her knees and to the floor. I pull her boots off and she reaches back to replace my tongue with her fingers, holding herself wide for me, playing with herself, keeping the momentum building.

     Please, please....
     I can hear her voice changing from playful obedience to genuine need.
     She reaches a point when we play where want becomes pain if I don't release her.
     Spread it wide for me!
     YES!
     DEEPER FOR ME!
     Yes, fuck, yes. please, please please.

My fantasy is becoming reality for her as her orgasm builds in the Target parking lot.

     Where should I cum? I ask, allowing her to finish the fantasy for me. Where?
     In my pussy, cum in her pussy Master.

I stand behind Jane and place my hand on her head and press her down over the arm of the sofa. Her body is offered in fevered need and I slide inside with a single stroke.

     As I share my fantasy my phone explodes with her voice and
     I know without a doubt that she is under my hand and all mine.

The rest of the fantasy is lost in her screaming as I sit quietly at my desk, listening to Jane's laugh as my wife says something funny.

The panting on the other end of the phone thrills me, and I smile, and wish her happy shopping.

We hang up, I stroll in to the kitchen, wondering if Jane will see just how glad I am to see her.

TMI Jan 23 - Choices

2012-01-24T05:00:00.000-08:00

Would you rather…?

I am a Graham Norton fan. He has a newish show called “Would You Rather” that airs on BBC America (you know the Top Gear-Gordon Ramsay channel…ugh!!). I grabbed these fun questions from WYR.

1. Would you rather wear the same pair of unwashed socks for 2 years or wear the same pair of unwashed underwear for 1 year? Explain.

This is an easy one. The socks, because very few beautiful women are going to pull my socks down for a toe-job. On the other hand....

2. Would you rather eat a baby or be eaten by a giant baby? Explain.

Define "baby".... I eat baby chickens, cows, and corn all the time. If we are talking human babies, ICK. That being said, I would have to go with "be eaten" since I assume that most babies don't have many teeth so it might be just like a giant baby gum massage. Also, in the middle, the baby might get thirsty, which means he would nurse on giant mommy breasts, and hey, if you have to go, I can't think of worse ways than latching on to a giant mommy nipple.

3. Would you rather steal money from your Grandfather in the past or steal money from a Grandchild in the future? Why?

I've done both, as is anyone who is getting social security, unemployment (me), or is getting more in government benefits than the taxes we pay. Every dollar of deficit spending we approve by sending idiots back to Washington (or London, or Moscow, or Rome) we are stealing from our kids, and it's not chump change any more, it's real money.

4. Would you rather be trapped in a cave full of vampire bats or put a large jar full of bees (opened) in your pants?

OK, for this I will change my answer to #1 and vote for the smelly underwear in exchange for a good pair of running shoes, and then vote for the vampire bats. The smell might keep them away, and, I'm very good at holding still. And I like the dark. On the other hand, if my underwear is crusty enough, the bees might not be able to sting through it.

5. Would you rather be a person with a head that is noticeably big for your body or have a head that is disproportionately small compared to the rest of your body?

Option A would go along with the saying, "Big Head, Big...... Hat" but, my head is too big as it is and I cant find hats that fit, so women would think I have a big dick if I had a big head (2 big heads, eh), but, with a small head, I could wear cooler hats, thereby seducing more women. Size Queens or Quantity.... It's a tough decision, I'll go with small head, busy penis.

Bonus (not from WYR): Would you rather have sex, with your significant other, in a sex club with all eyes and a spotlight on you OR would you rather get gang-banged & groped in darkness by a bunch of strangers.

YES and YES! Don't make me choose! Of course, as a guy, being the center of a gang-bang might get a little sore after a while, and the spotlight brings performance pressure, dang it, can I just be the camera man when you answer the question?

————-
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Monday Rambling

2012-01-23T09:13:00.000-08:00

Rainy
Cold
Quiet
Lonely

Lonely? or a bit bored.

Too wet to clean out the garage, too early for porn, no one to play with, too sick to have sex, a car that's on the fritz.... Ugh, what a Monday.

So what is a boy to think about?

I think about my job hunt, my budget, the stresses of being home 24/7, my need for my friends and time at the gym. I think about NOT eating too much while at home and not spending too much when not. I miss my daily hot chocolate and seeing EZ in the coffee room. I miss time on skype and chat and the interaction (naught and nice) with my friends, I think about building shelves and doing crown molding and wonder if I will ever WANT to go to work again.

I think about missing my admin and others... Agh, what a self-pity fest this is. Enough of that. It's not even really self-pity, just a change of scenery.

But what to think about.

I could think about politics (frustrating), the economy (depressing), the future (intriguing).... lots of options.

Maybe I just need to keep it simple and think about this

and, as it turns out, it's not too early for porn. :-)
This one cracks me up because it shows just how fake it all is
Sometimes there is just too much equipment
I sent this to a friend
and she sent this in response, she said it helped her climax, and I like knowing that.

So everyone have a good Monday, and don't click on anything if you are work. Having one of us out of work is plenty.

xoxo

Sunday Sacrilege - Come Follow me

2012-01-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

Come follow me, the worlds most simple, yet profound invitation.

Seems like Twitter could have used a different word

Rainy Day

2012-01-21T08:06:00.000-08:00

I woke up at 5:45 am this morning to hear the first real rain in weeks falling on my roof. I love my house in the rain. It's small enough, with almost no attic, to hear the rain come through the shingles and roof joists and right in to my bedroom. Years ago, when I had a chance to travel more, I stayed in a small house with a tin roof. The thunderstorms the blew across the plains would explode in the small space between the tin roof, giving you the feeling of being in the middle of the storm as you stayed deep inside your bed and relished the power of mother nature.

As a kid, my dad's house over looked our valley and we could see storms building, the clouds growing, and soon enough they would hit our side of the mountain, rise up, and dump their drops on the ground below. We kept old mattresses handy, retired after years of of use, and would lay out on the sun porch and watch the storms, in the summer we would sleep out and listen to the rain and watch the lightening light up the lake below.

Today I let the rain put me back to sleep as my youngest padded in to the living room to watch Phineas and Ferb or play on my phone. A head cold and a runny nose put me on the "no sex" list, but I snuggled in close to my wife and felt her hips next to mine as we spooned through the rain. My alarm went off (much too loudly but my new phone won't go any softer) and I decided to let my oldest skip her Saturday run with the team. Technically the Saturday runs are voluntary but I never let her miss them. They are the times when the get in to the mountains and run the trails and show the coach their dedication and progress. But I don't need her turning an ankle on a muddy trail, or worse, getting her new shoes dirty.

Today will be quiet, an inside day, perhaps a day to see "Beauty and the Beast" in 3D to keep daughter #2 happy. It will be as good as the regular version, a little more interesting because of the 3D novelty, but mostly a way to think about a different version of Beauty and the Beast that I would like.

I won't get in to it, but I'm torn, like most parents, about the Disney's dead moms, missing Dads, and princesses of various levels of needy. I like the movies, but I want to make sure that my daughters aren't just sitting around waiting for someone to save them. My oldest is almost 16 and is very social, but very much a tomboy and intrigued and disgusted by boys in equal measure. And that's OK with me.

The family is waking up and the day will be upon me soon. Have a wonderful weekend, enjoy the day, and say something nice to someone who needs to hear it.

XOXO

Advizor

Just a flash of fiction....

2012-01-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

While there was no official Flash Fiction Friday today, I wanted to say something, but I find myself strangely passive when it comes to fiction these days. Maybe there is plenty of real life drama (nothing serious, but the job hunt, being at home, no privacy, a crazy sister-in-law etc), that writing long erotic pieces doesn't make it to the top of the priority list.

I browse through the beautiful pictures on Tumblr for inspiration, but they are all too perfect, to posed, to porn-star, too self-aware. There is no story behind them.

Occasionally one appears that catches my eye. While all of them are unique, none of them are different. They play on variations of theme, beauty, passion, lust, control, dominance, tenderness. Some styles are harsh, others are soft and subtle, some are brightly lit and just scream out "Put me in Hustler!" Others whisper their seductive thoughts.

Some tumblrs have a very specific theme, while others offer a wide range of the same thing. But what is missing? Why can I page through endless pictures of beautiful women and not feel a thing? Because they don't tell a story.

The idea behind flash fiction, it's genius, is in the pictures chosen. The intrigue, the invitation to open the door instead of unzip your pants.

A good picture captures a moment,
a sexy picture captures a mood,
but a great picture asks you a question.

What's next, where is she going? Who is waiting for her? Is she arriving or leaving?
And where did she get those fabulous shoes?

I like flash fiction because it challenges me, it gets me out of the self-selected pictures that know I'm going to like, and make me deal with someone else's ideas. It's a great exercise, a lot of fun, and yes, occasionally it does involve the unzipping of pants.

Have a great weekend!!

Don't blame me....

2012-01-19T14:47:00.000-08:00

I've been looking for it for years....

They can't find it either

I'ts not in here!

Research Sample Size = 3

As I harden....

2012-01-19T07:53:00.002-08:00

Take me me when I am soft.
Wake me with your kisses and
bring me to restless awakenings.

Take me in and feel me
Feel me grow and fill you
take me and pull me in
encourage me with smiles I can feel

Don't stop when I am ready,
linger, enjoy the moments
as I grow to fullness and stand
ready for you,
a product of your loving ministrations

Don't rush,
there is no "main event"
better than this
to be cared for
loved, taken in warmly
as you tease, tug, pull, and suck.

I won't talk,
I won't break your concentration
with moans and gasps that
make it too real for you.
I will relax, and enjoy
and beg you in my heart to never
ever
stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pictures are courtesy of Drenched and Delicous.

Thank you for your suggestions and for your wonderful blog

and here is one more...

On the Hunt....

2012-01-18T05:00:00.000-08:00

Today the kids went back to school, the house is quiet, though I'm not there right now. I'm at Pete's Coffee next to my gym and I'm hanging out, nursing a hot chocolate, wondering what to do next as my wife has informed me that she'd be "more comfortable" if I started looking for a job sooner than later.

So today is "sooner."

I'm going to be journeling my job hunt on a separate blog, but it's going to be "real" so my family can see what's going on without calling me about it all the time. I also need to show that I'm actually doing something.

So what is next, what is first in a modern-day job hunt? I haven't had to "get" a job ever, really. My first job was inherited from my older brother, delivering weekly drug-store fliers. After that my friend's dad gave me a job cleaning up construction sites, then it was the local amusement park, but they hired everyone without a criminal record so that wasn't much of a stretch. After high school it was back in to construction for a different friend's company and then my best friend got me a job on campus, then my professor hired me, then my adviser got me in with city govt. Out of college it was a 2 week temp job that turned in to 8 years, then I jumped to a vendor who loved me and then back down to a client that loved me even more, and now it's my 47th year and I have to go "find" a job.

So, I will be updating LinkedIn, my local govt job listing, theladders.com, and calling 3-5 recruiters that have worked with friends of mine. Other friends have been generous with job ideas, postings at their companies, and willingness to make introductions. My good friend was also laid off at the end of the year, like me, and just accepted an offer and starts next week. When I talked to him he was happy for a job but really wanted to take a longer break. In today's economy he made the wise choice and grabbed a good job with a decent commute and kept his wife happy. I am in no mood to go back to work yet, but if something comes along i may cave to the same pressures and go back to work. I want to be "off" for a while, but that may not happen.

Who knows, maybe I'm not as wonderful as I think and I'll be asking for a job as a barrista instead of gnawing on my empty cup of hot chocolate.

xoxo

TMI - Who Do?

2012-01-17T09:57:00.000-08:00

TMI Tuesday: January 17, 2012

Posted on January 16, 2012

Happy TMI Tuesday. Let’s play Hoo Doo (Who Do?). Answer the following questions and elaborate as you wish. Your answers can be real and truthful, fun and flirty, or crazy and whacky.
Who or Who(m) do you want to:

A disclaimer.....I have a whole list of answers to these questions involving other bloggers. Some answers are just one special name, some could be a list, some should be a list, and some are too real and too personal to mention. Some answers would be reciprocated, others would not. So I hesitate to answer too honestly, for as much as we share on-line, we rarely share the names of other bloggers were involved with. So, as I sit here at Starbucks, fresh from the gym, I think about who I can put on the list...

Also, I'm in a Starbucks with limited privacy and lots of old people around and so I really can't link to many "interesting" pictures. Just getting the Anne Hatheway link got me odd looks from old ladies. But one of them smiled.

1. Play naked twister with?
Old School - Christie Brinkley - My first SI crush

Obvious - Brooklyn Decker - Current SI Crush
A challenge - Yelena Isinbayeva

2. Love?
Most celebrities aren't worthy of love, but my bloggers are
UKPR, The Artist, The Runner, Kick-Boxer, The Admin, My Southern Belle, My Coffee Friend, and others who know how much they mean to me.

3. Excites you beyond belief?
My Shrink, My Whore, My Slut, My Friend, My Boot Camp Instructor, My wife's best friend, Tall boy's wife, My wife when she let's me... Do I really have to list them? If we go back to celebrities we can start with Anne Hatheway and end with Keira Knightly.

4. Enjoy ass play with?
She knows who she is, and her voice sends me in to outer space every time she completes a command. Of course, I could use with some more "friendly chat" time as well.

5. Shower with?
Tall Boy's Wife, a friend at church, has got the most beautiful porcelain skin. She is demure, sincere, has a stunning smile and would fit perfectly in my arms. I can imagine the hot water cascading over her hair as she arches her back and pulls her long black locks out of her face.

In close 2nd is Wife's Best Friend, tall, leggy blonde who flirts just enough to keep me smiling. Her shower is next to her pool on a hot summer's day. She climbs out of the pool in the black bikini that she wears only for me. With a gentle tug on for tied strings, it falls to the ground and she steps under the water with me.

And, of course, the really cute blonde that just walked in to the coffee shop would be a perfectly fine substitute if others weren't available.

6. Undress?
My admin, no doubt. I have bought her so many clothes that I want the chance to pull them off her once.

7. Rim?
My Coffee friend, oh, and Gloria from the bus, she admitted wanting more anal play from her boyfriend. I offered and she about chocked on her breakfast bagel. She thought I was joking.

8. Elope with?
Are you kidding? If I'm ever single, I'm not getting married again. Why, why, why?

Bonus: Who do you want to wake up in the arms of? Why?

Because it would be amazingly fun to spend the rest of the day with her.

I know these answers aren't very interesting since I'm not linking to real people or their wonderful, amazing and sexy blogs and tumblrs. But they know who they are, they know how much they mean to me.

————-
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

It's early

2012-01-16T07:01:00.000-08:00

It's 6:40am, I've been up since 6:00, hard as a rock, laying in bed softly stroking my morning wood. Usually I'm already at the gym by now. In fact, by now cycle class is over, I'm done watching the angry brunette on the 2nd to last row, or maybe it's Cruise Blonde, or even Young Thing, they are all fun to watch. On Monday's, like today, I'm more likely in class as a student, watching K's perfect form lead me down the road of muscle cramps and 4 days of hurt until i finally recovered.

But this morning, the last day before the kids go back to school, I took the morning to sleep in a bit. I'll still go for my run, but I'll wait until I drop off my oldest at her team's workout and then maybe hit the pool, or the treadmill, or maybe just make a few phone calls as I set at Starbucks and nurse a hot chocolate.

As I woke up, I felt myself, more, I became aware of myself and then reached down to confirm my suspicions. I was hard, smooth, ready, and I let myself drift into recollection and touch. I thought back to yesterday, but better, to Friday morning.

My wife sleeps on my right, closest to the door where the kids come in when frightened, closer to the bathroom, the mommy position we call it. Friday she rolled over and started stoking my chest, slipping her hand inside my t-shirt and playing with my nipples, something I love, but something I usually need to request. After a few moments of that, her hand slid down my stomach and found my cock, again it was hard and stretching against my pajama bottoms. (With three kids and a small house, sleeping naked isn't prudent).

She stroked me gently and then bent over and took my cock in her mouth. Warm and perfectly fit, she sucked me until I was even harder and then came back up to kiss my chest. She kissed me on the lips and then lifted herself up and said, "I'm not sure how much of this is a dream......"

I laughed and kissed her back and undressed her completely and rolled on top of her as she opened herself to me. I slid in easily and then pulled out, slipped out of bed, locked the door, grabbed the lube, and her favorite vibrator. I handed it to her and knelt by her head as she slipped Gigi over her clit and my back into her mouth. I watched her in the light of the bathroom, the door slightly ajar, casting a yellowish glow over the room. Watching her pleasure herself as I filled her mouth was almost too much. She pulled away and asked if she could concentrate so I lay beside her and took to kissing every inch of available skin.

Her nipples are wonderful, her breasts full, her neck, my favorite part. My left hand drifted over hers as she guided Gigi in and out and around her clit. I could feel her getting closer and my hands pulled her thighs wider and added just a touch of pressure to her own touching, just enough to make her feel like she wasn't just being watched. her orgasm was deep, louder than usual, and her body arched and stretched and her body tightened in my arms for 10, 20, then 30 seconds. Long quivers followed and she pulled me back on top of her, locking her ankles around the small of my back and kissing me deeply.

Inside she was warm, tight, inviting, encouraging, and she giggled a bit and told me to hurry since it was almost time for our little one to wake up (he's like a clock that kid). I didn't need a lot of encouragement but I delayed my finish so I could relish the moment. When I released it was deep and insistent and longer and more copious than most. I wrapped her up in my arms and pressed deep again and again.

"That was some dream." I said, and we rolled to our sides and kissed until we heard a soft knocking on the door.

Sometimes it pays to get up early, but it's certainly nice to sleep in.

Sunday Sacrilege At His Brithplace

2012-01-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

This might have popped up for a few days last week, I was having issues with Blogger and it went out early. But I still thought it was worth sharing (again). I think it's awful, without commenting on the beliefs of anyone involved, the conflict over Christ's birthplace (and not even the confirmed location, just an agreed upon "best guess") shows how little people think of Jesus and what he taught. He got along with most, ministered to all, and encouraged dialogue and understanding. Where did we lose our way?

While the Christmas Spirit is stil in the air, I wanted to post the video from this story, to prove that, when we gather at the birthplace of "The Prince of Peace' love and brotherhood abound....unless, of course, you and your stinking Armenian broom crosses over the line. Oh yeah? You Greek Orthodox bastard, I'll show you what my broom can do.....

Oy Vey!!!
Maybe we need this, more than ever...

A question....

2012-01-14T17:28:00.000-08:00

I hope you are having a nice Saturday afternoon.

Saturday Sacrilege

2012-01-14T05:00:00.000-08:00

I love the series, "Old Jews Telling Jokes"

This is perfect for a Sunday morning to start off the new year.

I was going to post this on Sunday, but Saturday is the Jewish sabbath, so here goes....

new toy!!!

2012-01-13T21:51:00.000-08:00

I'm typing this on my new laptop!!!! So far so good!

I love getting new toys. Of course, there are lots of toys out there.....

fff - Try again

2012-01-13T05:00:00.000-08:00

cracked and failing

88-185

(1) She put her hands against the mirror, whirring, shivering. On her toes, she stared at herself, and shook with ferocious intensity. She felt her throat tighten and began to fight for breath. Her chest heaved and she called out for him, but her speaker was cracked and failing. A thread grew within her, gestating at the base of her brain and growing through her body, connecting each system into one long chord of pain. It tightened, her back arched, and she felt a bubbling line of oily spittle stream down her chin. Her teeth clenched and her head yanked back, pulled by the sentient chord that connected ass, cunt, navel, and tits. Each zone fired in succession as the stale air of the room seared through her filters with each strained breath. Her diaphragm stretched and ripped as she fought for air against the crushing tightness of the pain. Her eyes clicked and fluttered and she felt her skin slide along the glass to the center of oblivion. From behind the one-way glass, he muttered and took his hands from the controls. “Maybe next time.” (1b5)

(2) “It’s not going to work,” she said, “the nerves can’t handle the adaptation and the bones are cracked and failing.”

He tapped his erasure on the morbidity report for the millionth time. “Let’s go wake her up.”

He stood over her and stroked the cold skin. Slightly blue, she lay on the table, as he caressed her turgid nipples.

“Come back to me”, he thought, his hands moved over her and began the processes.

His assistant joined in with fingers, lips, tongue, and heat. Soon enough, she awoke. (88)

(3) She opened her eyes and screamed in primal memory, eyes darting, wrists pulling as she searched for the source of her unspeakable pain. Bright lights confused her and her logic circuits cracked and failed. Horrid smells assaulted her senses and she thrashed wordlessly against her fear. Grudgingly, she recorded the warmth and her body sorted out the others, her breathing returned. Her body eased into their hands as consciousness returned and faces resolved from the mist. Body parts returned to function and she spread open and melted into idle.

She looked up into his eyes,

Did it work this time?” He kissed her gently on the forehead.

“I was so close. I felt the nexus growing and connecting and oh, the pain was amazing, like nothing I’d ever felt before, that that’s just it, I’ve never felt any of it before, that’s what this is all about, right?” She laid back, the soft hum of servos firing beneath silicone skin. She smiled, “All of this to give a robot an orgasm, seems silly at times, but let’s try again.”

“Of course Doctor, again and again.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm just glad I got this out.

Go visit Panser and join in yourself
Flash Fiction Challenge

TMI - Jan 9 - Women and Gay Men only?

2012-01-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

This seems a little to focused on questions I can't answer (or won't admit to having an answer), but I'll make a few comments just to play along and get back in the swing of things....

All about the wedding tackle, twig & berries, pole, fire hose, skin flute, dipstick, meat thermometer or what we all know as the penis.

1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?
Length, because that is what I have. Girth is nice too, I guess, my wife says she likes feeling "full."

2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?
Umm, not personally, but I've seen a few on video that seem ridiculously over done. I did have a girlfriend say that mine stretched her lips too much.

3. Best place to put a penis?
On camera! Especially when next to, or inside of, a beautiful woman. Best place to put mine? Deep Inside, of course, what a silly question. "In my hand" is a close 2nd place, and the winner when frequency wins out over quality.

4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?
Well, since I have one, today I shrank it in the cold air of an early morning run, washed it lovingly in the shower, protected it from my son's over-active judo kicks, took a picture of it for a friend (then deleted it), stroked it for a bit, and then let it go to sleep, hopefully resting up for tonight.

Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)
I get blue balls frequently, does that count for anything?

5. You’re a penis, which love canal (that’s a vagina) would you most like to visit:

a. short and shallow - bumping into the cervix isn't sexy

b. fall into the gap, gliding smoothly along the slick walls - tight and tighter is the best. Work those Kiegel's ladies!!!

c. tight suction lip-lock - Only if you are in to it. Don't look up at me with bored eyes or complain that your neck hurts, and for hell's sake, swallow!!

d. none, I prefer the back door thank you - I'd like to go back door more often, everyone says it's lovely.

Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often? -
Blue Whale (see above)
"The Snake" (thanks Ruth)
"Mr. Happy"
"That thing" that one did not help.
"My friend" (thanks Donna)
and unfortunately, lately, it would answer to "Sleeping Giant"

SO go over and pick up the questions for yourself, and give a go. If a straight guy like me can answer, anyone can...

World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click

Good News

2012-01-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

Flash Fiction, and our friend Insatiabear is back!!!

http://insatiabear.blogspot.com/2012/01/flash-fiction-friday-challenge-for-1-13.html

I expect you all to join in. The picture is sexy, the keys words are interesting, and it's just good to have him back.

On other notes, I'm finally taking down the Christmas lights, my wife and daughters are out at a doctor's appt, and the weather is beautiful.

Coded Message #1 - I'm sorry I sent this morning's e-mail if it offended you, if it didn't, let me know how it worked out. The typo was my fault, but when I sent it, it was interested in how you would respond.

Coded Message #2 -I'm glad you got the message, your compliance is appreicated.

Coded Message #3 -I don't like when you don't call me back.

Coded Message #4 -New Year's Resolutions SUCK!!! I hope you break yours soon and often.

What are my goals for the year?

The same as every year, more running, fucking, smiling, sleeping, writing, reading, playing, laughing, blogging, flirting, learning, working, and more time for the banjo.

I need less whining, crying, eating, TV watching, bitching, complaining, and all that negative stuff.

Specifically I need to drop 20 pounds, finish my short story, write my novella, outline my musical (finish the lyrics and story line), and complete my project management exam to wrap that stuff up.

Lots to do......

So far behind....

2012-01-08T16:22:00.000-08:00

I am so far behind in reading your wonderful blogs, seriously, I got back from vacation and had 117 unread posts, not counting my own. There are so many words, stories, tales of trauma and drama that I hate to miss any of them, yet I find I'm getting more and more behind. Today's total was 132.

Aaaagh. I enjoyed my vacation. It was my second cruise, the 1st with the kids and others. It was not relaxing, I didn't spend one moment in a deck chair, but we had fun, sang karaoke, ate well, ate well again, slept like the dead, played bingo, watched bad stage shows, bought crap in Mexico, did NOT get kidnapped, raped or murdered, played min-golf on deck, went down a water slide, swam in a freezing pool, ate some more, tried to go jogging but got bored on a 1/11 mile track, did not have sex with either my wife or disgruntled heiress, but did enjoy two very very nice showers. The water pressure was surprisingly perfect.

There really isn't much to tell. There were very few beautiful women to gawk at, no one to flirt with, too many family members for any decent playtime, and no cell/gps/wi-fi reception that didn't cost exorbitant amounts. I missed my e-mail and phone friends, but didn't worry about my blog at all (until I came back to well-deserved scorn and ridicule for my horrible list of "assignments", boy did that suck).

Saturday was spent at home doing laundry and taking down Christmas decorations. Now, in the first quiet moments in days, the kids and women are outside playing (sister-in-law and 2 kids, plus my own), and I'm able to tap out a meager post.

The kids are still off school next week so I won't be writing much. New Year's Resolutions may be an upcoming topic, the traditional weight loss goals will be supplemented by some more creative ones as well, but I'm not sure what I want to commit to in public.

My job hunt has not begun, but several people have e-mailed me with ideas, which is a nice show of support.

So have a wonderful week, I may be on once in a while, and I'll always have my phone with me to check for e-mails.....

xoxox

Advizor

Winter Beauty

2012-01-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

There isn't any snow in my area.

There won't be any any time soon.

But there are time when I really, really wish it would snow, like right now.

ok, so that didn't work

2012-01-06T12:19:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for all the confusion over the "assignments" while I was gone.

Thanks for those who commented, at least I know you came by for a visit. I'll come up with something better next time I'm gone. Like silence, perhaps.

:-)

Assignment #4

2012-01-06T05:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me to post a daily assignment while I was gone.

As is usual, I give her a theme an allow her to adapt it to her mood and privacy level.

It can be adapted to solo play, couples, threesomes, or moresomes....

Play along if you'd like

Please leave a comment if you were able to complete the assignment,

or share a link to where you blogged about it.

Assignment #3

2012-01-05T05:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me to post a daily assignment while I was gone.

As is usual, I give her a theme an allow her to adapt it to her mood and privacy level.

It can be adapted to solo play, couples, threesomes, or moresomes....

Play along if you'd like

I suddenly have an urge to watch some science fiction....

Please leave a comment if you were able to complete the assignment,

or share a link to where you blogged about it.

Assignment #2

2012-01-04T05:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me to post a daily assignment while I was gone.

As is usual, I give her a theme an allow her to adapt it to her mood and privacy level.

It can be adapted to solo play, couples, threesomes, or moresomes....

Play along if you'd like

And adapt this one to the weather if you have to,

but I like putting out a challenge.

Please leave a comment if you were able to complete the assignment,

or share a link to where you blogged about it.

Assignment #1

2012-01-03T05:00:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine asked me to post a daily assignment while I was gone.

As is usual, I give her a theme an allow her to adapt it to her mood and privacy level.

It can be adapted to solo play, couples, threesomes, or moresomes....

Play along if you'd like

Any questions?

Please leave a comment if you were able to complete the assignment,

or share a link to where you blogged about it.

A new day...

2012-01-02T05:20:00.000-08:00

OK, technically this is the 2nd "new day" of a new year, but yesterday already had a post scheduled and it seemed greedy to put up two in one day when starving kids in Africa went to bed without any posts at all.

(You'd think that Post cereal would get in to the blog business, seems like a perfect marketing match.)

The main point of this post is to say that I won't be around much this week, if at all. You see, he says with a smile, I'm going on vacation and will probably be computer-free from Monday - Friday, and then privacy-free for the few days after that until the kids go back to school. Vacation is going to be fun. We are going on a short cruise of the California coast, and, I'll admit, I'm looking forward to stepping away from my phone, phone, laptop, computer, and e-mail.

I will miss (I already miss) my friends a great deal, but starting off the New Year with family will be nice. However, don't expect any great sex stories to come out of this vacation. Cabins on a cruise are expensive so we have 4 people in my room and very small beds. I'm hoping for one shared orgasm, a couple on my own, and one in a lifeboat with a random heiress who's not in love with her fiance, however, the last time I saw that happen it didn't turn out well for the rest of the passengers.

So, have a great week. Enjoy the optimism of a new year, the chance to start fresh, don't let the cliche of "New Year's Resolutions" stop you from making them, even if they are the sames ones as last year.

Eat better
Get outside more
Spend more money on sex toys
Have more and better orgasms
Write more posts
Watch less porn
Start making your own porn.
Leave behind grief or embrace the pain.
Forgive others and then forgive yourself
Find your old faith, or start a new one (they are a great tax shelter)
Start a business
Find a job
Quit a job
Leave a marriage, get married, take a lover, follow more male bloggers.
Eat more vegetables.
Learn to cook
Treat yourself better
Watch less TV
Get published
Finish your musical, screenplay, short story, and collection of Kabuki poetry.

There is much to do, let's get to it, and after it's all done, blog about it so I have something to read!

We'll see you on Saturday!

Last Day…of the year!

2011-12-31T10:01:00.000-08:00

It’s too cliché to even say, but can you believe another year has gone by?
What are my highlights?

Meeting, making, and keeping some wonderful new on-line friends and lovers
Actually meeting two other bloggers in person and sharing some wonderful time with them.
Learning, again, just how terrific and frustrating technology can be.
Writing 370 posts, and not all of them about porn.
Getting up to 139 followers.
Getting laid off for the first time (yes, this is a highlight)
Learning how to release my inner dominance, much to the delight of some of my friends.
A successful, though tedious year at work, getting through 18 audits with “no major findings”
Getting to a better place at home with the wife.
Not getting fired for...well, if you read my blog, you understand.
Being able to share the hopes, joys, fears, ups and downs of all of you...

Let's hope 2012 is better for all of us!

(I'd write more, but everyone is up and about and I've only got a second while I 'check scores' in the office)

xoxox

Have a Wonderful (and safe) New Year's Eve!!!!!

Advizor

She wrote back

2011-12-30T05:00:00.000-08:00

I have spoken often about my "friend" in Houston. The one that I didn't get to kiss on my last trip.

She finally wrote back, on my last day.

I was reviewing some old e-mails and saw this one. I’m sorry I missed your visit but wish you great success with your new life, I would be hard-pressed to leave California for Texas myself.

Keep up the running.

Take care.

That's it. I could rant about how, with a company blackberry and a life spent in e-mail, it's almost impossible to "miss" and e-mail. Perhaps she had my name on a filter that shuffled me off to a hidden folder. Perhaps it went straight to junk mail, spam, or to her attorney. It doesn't matter. She wrote back, closed the loop, and called the proceedings to a close. That was nice of her, even if she did it fully clothed...

:-)

Last Day

2011-12-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

Last day

I woke up, dressed, and went to the gym to teach my class as usual. 16 people, not bad for the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. A few minutes in the pool to cool off and calm down, 10 minutes in the Jacuzzi, and then it was impossible to avoid it any longer.

Traffic was light and I got to work by 8:30 and sat down for my last day.

Last day. After 12 years, one more shift, one more lunch, one more drive home.

And then what? A vacation to distract me, a few days more of Christmas break, and then the kids are back at school, the house empties, and I sit. What next?

Last night as I talked to my friend I realized that it was my last bus ride home. The last bus pass for a while, the last time standing on the corner in the cold complaining with the other riders that Pat is always late and that Darrel runs early and…freak it’s cold outside… last time.

I pulled in to the parking garage and turned off the car. I could feel it in the backs of my knees, the tingle that starts before any big event. It’s my body betraying it’s nervousness, the anticipation, almost a “fight or flight” feeling. Do I hunker down and wait out the last few hours or do I engage and write and say goodbye and get my hugs and accept the reality of losing the people I have learned to love the past 12 years.

A group of us, my old staff and some extras went to lunch to commemorate my departure. No speeches were asked for nor offered, on e guy missed it all together to handle a computer crisis, the bill came and was paid by my peer who drove in to say good-bye. That was nice.

I didn’t get the “bag of crap’ that is traditionally given, a company gym bag full of last year’s mug, some golf balls, a hat, some note pads that you were going to steal anyway to go with the pens that went out in your gym bag last week. It’s all quite anti-climactic really. I’m just one of 6 leaving today or tomorrow, one already took off on Tuesday and I missed saying goodbye to him, and he got no lunch at all, so why complain?

Before I leave I have to pack. Earlier this week my wife offered to drive in to help, but what would I have her do with the condoms in the drawer, the ones that are next to the panties sent by a friend as a thank-you. What do I do with 9 years of Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Editions, or the 3 Victoria’s Secret catalogs with annotations for a friend’s shopping spree? I have a life here at work that is totally removed from my home life.

Here I have friends from all over the world. At home I have a family, 4 walls, and some acquaintances at the gym, none of them willing to talk dirty to me. J Here I am an author, a friend, a Master, a lover, a blogger, a bit of a man-whore, and part of a community. At home I’m just me.

If this sounds self-pitying it should not, it’s pensive and transitional. It will pass. Another job will come, I will find time to write, but not chat as much. I will enjoy Tumblr on my phone in my private moments, but not at home, at my desk, with my wife at my side. Real life, for a while, will crowd out part of who I am. But that is the nature of life, “Change is the only constant.”

So, I will get moving on from the sadness of leaving and count my blessings of 12 years of gainful employment, 10 years of good bosses, great friends, lots of time to write and think and play, and since we are still in the Christmas Season I will tag on a song from my favorite version of “A Christmas Carol,” because I really do have a thankful heart.

(If you haven’t seen the Muppets production of “A Christmas Carol” you really must add it to next year’s celebration. It’s a wonderful adaptation with cute music and some really funny Muppets.)

TMI - Tis better...to be late than never

2011-12-28T04:00:00.000-08:00

Aaaaagh.....!!! I don't know why this didn't post yesterday, but here it is, a day late, and inevitably, a dollar short.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Tis better to give than receive…?

For this week’s TMI Tuesday why don’t you tell us:

1. What was your favorite gift that you received (gift giving holidays Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or heck even if you had a birthday in the month of December that can count)?

My favorite was 10th row seats to "Wicked". The production was outstanding, the leads wonderful, the supporting cast was far better than last time, and dinner after was fun and tasty.

2. What was the most practical gift that you received?

New running socks, bought by me, wrapped by me.

3. What was the silliest, most fun, crazy or impractical gift that you received?

Impractical? I'm going a cruise next week!!!

4. If you had a special holiday meal, what was your favorite food?

The meal was tri-tip and ham and it was wonderful because I didn't cook any of it. I didn't have to clean my house, cook the food, or entertain guests. All I did was show up, pretend to like a few family members, refrained from making fun of my skank sister-in-law's dress, and got out unscathed by 8:30. It was a Christmas miracle.

Bonus: Share the recipe of your favorite food from the holiday meal. - Here it is....

Bonus, bonus: Whatcha doin’ for New Year’s Eve? - Packing for the Cruise!!!!
————-
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Sexy Cool Picture

2011-12-26T20:44:00.000-08:00

Taken from Sports Illustrated's "Pictures of the Year" collection. Her eyes, the perfect legs, the blue shorts with that sexy little gap, and a belly ring.

Crazy Sexy.

Sunday Funnies...

2011-12-25T04:14:00.000-08:00

By the time you get to read this post, the first clip will be old news, but it's still funny. I wonder if Mitt Romney is going to start using it as a campaign ad.... (and please no religious or political bashing, it's just funny).

However, the second one made me laugh out loud and I had to steal it. I got it from a great web-site that features very smart, and very funny comics, http://xkcd.com/

Read all the way through....

Christmas Eve Wishes

2011-12-24T13:35:00.000-08:00

As I post this I mean to get back to write something more, but just in case, here is a little holiday cheer.

and

It's time to go out delivering our Christmas cookies and so I wanted to send out my best wishes to all of my blogger friends, frenimies, lovers, and playmates. You have made my year full of wonder, fun, learning, and delight. I would not be the same without you. At least, that is what I will say at my trial.

So have a Merry ___________ (fill in the holiday of your choosing!)

Your grateful friends,

Advizor

It's the day before the day before

2011-12-23T08:34:00.000-08:00

no time to write, just a wish that your last minute rush isn't too bad. Enjoy the video which is tooooo true and very funny

x
x
x
x

The kettle is always on...

2011-12-22T10:16:00.000-08:00

I did the 2-hand 5-pocket pat down as I left the house, looking like I was trying to re-learn the Macarena.

Right hand shirt pocket,
left hand hip pocket,
right hand front right pocket,
left hand front left pocket,
right hand back right pocket.

2 phones, keys, wallet, and sunglasses accounted for.

I hop in the car, plug in phone #2, start Pandora, turn up the volume, and drive down the street.

SHIT.........I slow down just a bit.

Did I shut down my browser? Yes.
A few more feet roll by as my car warms up. Did I?
I hope I did. She'll be home in 10 min and I'm already late.
Yes, I did shut it down because I cleared the browser history and saw the lion background.
Yes, I'm fine.

Shit...... this time I pull over.
I check my watch... Did I? Or did I just see the edge of the screen and the lion's mane?
I am so late.

I put the car in park.

Think, Think, Think, Think…

OK, I finished my post, shut down youTube, closed redTube…cleared my history… but.

I put the car in Drive and turn around, but my 15 minute warning alarm goes off and if I miss the last bus I’m screwed and will take 2 hours to drive to work because of the construction.

SHIT!

OK, don’t freak out, Shut down, clear the history, move the camera, I saw the background… I’m OK

I’m OK. I put the car in drive and turn around again.

I start to relax as I drive. Everything’s shut down, I should have done a restart, what is she starts Picassa? Will anything show up? Dang it, I should have checked, but no, Picassa doesn’t index temp files and I didn’t download anything today.

I pull to the light and smile as the cute young moms walk their offspring to the park. The brunette smiles back. She looks just like….

SHIT! I was on youPorn which pops open those stupid background windows…. Shit shit shit.

My watch face stares passively, yet mocks me, telling me that I don’t have time to do both. I can either check my computer and KNOW I won’t be caught, or make the bus and avoid a 2 hour drive.

AAAaaaagggghh.. I have to stop surfing before work.

NO! I fill the car with noise, I’m good. I know I’m good, I closed everything down.

I pull forward as the light turns green. 10 minutes later I sprint across the street and make my bus. Problem solved. She’s home by now, and if I forgot anything incriminating on the screen I would gotten that angry phone call already. I settle back in to my chair, turn on my iPod and start drifting in to sleep.

My eyes pop open and my heart shrinks….what if she saw something, but is just stewing on it until she can yell at me in person…

I have GOT to stop surfing in the morning…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and just because it's my blog

here is the lovely Miss Munn

TMI - Holiday Cheer

2011-12-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

This time of year there are so many holidays and celebrations that overlap, which is why it is called Holiday Season.

1. What will you be celebrating? If it isn’t a commonly known holiday or celebration (i.e., Christmas, winter solstice, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa) briefly tell us about it.

We are celebrating my brother's birthday, my wife's niece's birthday (boy, did she grow up cuter than I expected, and smart too, and not a single felony conviction, we are so proud) and Christmas. We have a blend of various Christian faiths, some of them waning, a couple of athiests who send their kids to church, and a brother-in-law who thinks he's God. I hope he's wrong.

2. What’s your favorite Christmas or holiday tune?

Hands down, no questions...

I like it for the words, the sentiments of going home to 'faithul friends" in a world where few are to be found. I love the harmony's and it's in my range and I can sing either part. I love it, as I listen to it now, brings tears to my eyes as it alwasy does. The album from which it comes, "A Christmas Together" is one of my all time favorites.

I love Christmas music. I love both secular and religious songs and I start itching to play it as soon as the Halloween candy is eaten, however, to honor my dearly departed mother, I don't start playing it until after the Thanksgiving feast is finished. Then Christmas can begin.

If anything will save my troubled soul, it will be music, and Christmas music seems to soothe mainy ills.

On Christmas Day I will be singing in my church choir and, for a little while, all will be right in the world.

3. If you are giving or receiving gifts this holiday season: - I LOVE SHOPPING FOR PRESENTS, yet my Scrooge of a family (on both sides) has stopped exchanging gifts between adults. I love finding something that matches the needs, or wants, of another person and seeing them light up when they realize that they needed it after all.

- What’s the gift you most want? - For small gifts, I love getting books or movie that someone has picked out just for me, something that they love and think I will love too. I like getting clothes and ties from my kids, hand made signs or trinkets that barely survive the walk home from school. My favorite gift, in a twisted way, was a can of peanuts becaue it means that your brother (You know who you are) ran out of time or money, or both, and went to the old stand-by.

- What do you think is the best gift you are giving? - I'm getting my daughter a phone (I think) as a reward for getting her grades up way higher that we expected this semester, my wife is getting some jewelry she's had her eye on, and, though it's not a surprise, we are all going to see "Wicked" on stage. We know, and sing, all the songs everytime we get in the car. That will be my favorite.

4. If you could spend this December holiday season anywhere, where would that be? - I would love to go to a long-term beach vacation where there are mountiains nearby, maybe New Zealand or Fiji. I love the ocean, love swimming and water sports, but would be in heaven to have hiking and secluded forests and the call of wild animals nearby as well.

5. Your family has announced that the holiday celebration & get-together will be at your home. You think to yourself:
a. Yes! Finally…the more the merrier.
b. I don’t have enough room for all of you, but let’s rent a hall and you all get hotel rooms.
c. Over my dead body, I don’t want you freaks in my house.
d. Hmm…I wonder if it’s too late to book a flight to anywhere, leaving on Christmas eve?

B!! - I love having guests, making the big dinners, and having the house full, but my little house is already full. As long as you find somewhere else to sleep, come on over for dinner! Of course, many of you reading this have already been invited for a sleep over, but we may have to make different arrangements.

6. Have you ever given a fruit cake as a Christmas gift or a gift at all? Do you even like fruit cake?

Fruit Cake was invented as a biological weapon in WWI and only morphed into a "gift" when the Allies realized it was too heavy to fire in existing artillery. Smaller brick sized portions then were distributed for use in construction projects. A soldier, trying to be funny, wrapped one up and gave it to his prisoners and a holiday tradition was born.

Bonus: Share with us one of your holiday traditions.

My parents did not like the "mad dash" to the tree where "Christmas" was over in 5 minutes or less. We always had to get up, make our beds, get dressed, and gather by the living room doors where my dad would peek in to see if Santa had arrived yet. After the stocking and a few presents were done, we always had a huge breakfast with one of the families from our street. We made Christmas last all day. It was a nice way to wake up.

Go elf yourself!

http://elfyourself.jibjab.com/

So close....

2011-12-20T23:37:00.000-08:00

95 hits today.
A new personal record.
Still haven't hit 100 yet, oh well....

:-)

(Is putting this post up cheating if it pushes me over 100 in the next 23 minutes?)

Fisting

2011-12-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

There is no delicate way around this question.....

A friend of mine wants to get fisted. She is beautiful and adventurous and tragically far away from me or I would help her out in her quest for her next adventure. As a novice in this area, I would love to hear suggestions, hints, tips, tricks to so she can make this a good first fist experience. In the movies, it looks so easy, and very sexy, but how is it in real life?

Faye gets fisted brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

and this looks like part Two... Just because the story doesn't make sense unless you see the whole plot.

Sexy babes show what they can brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

And here is one more, just for research.

Fisting teen lesbians brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

Carnivore

2011-12-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

I am a carnivore.

I eat meat.

On Saturday I oversaw a dinner for 200+ people and we served 12 hams, and afterwards, I got to take one home. This morning, I was stripping meat off the bones for an omelet and I got this visceral connection to the animal-ness of the process. I was holding a leg, a joint, a bone of a once-living animal in my hand and I was eating it's flesh. It was a strange and primal moment.

And I loved it.

And yes, the omelet was delicious.

Of course, these kind are good too.

Risk

2011-12-16T10:50:00.001-08:00

Sometimes is pays off, some days it doesn’t, and that’s OK.

We put lunch on the calendar for yesterday, but when I got to the office, she sent a text informing me of her 101F fever, lack of showering, and diminishing social skills. I laughed and told her I was immune to germs since having three kids who brought home a wide assortment of bugs, germs, viruses, and sniffle/sneeze/cough/and gag moments. I fight them all off through clean living and time at the gym, and lots of water.

I hopped in the car, picked up some soup from her favorite restaurant, and went over. She stumbled to the door in a robe, sweats, and an adorable red tank top. A quick hug and a disclaimer about “I don’t want to get you sick” and we moved to the couch. I could talk with her forever. She looked tired, her pale skin paler still as her eyes drooped and swayed with waves of nausea and fatigue.

Risk. When do you take it? Because of my changing employment status, I knew I had to say something. She knows my story and we both know that we won’t have a natural excuse to be close to each other. I took her hand and pulled her into my arms. I turned her around and wrapped my arms around her as she laid her head on my chest. Soft kisses landed on the crown of her head as I inhaled her in, trying to remember everything about her. She turned towards me and snuggled in and we talked some more.

Fingers intertwined we talked of the future, my job search, her transfer to a new college that, while in town, will keep her much busier, and we spoke of how much we would miss each other. The cat jumped up on her lap and we just sat for a bit. Finally, she needed to move and I had to admit that the clock was calling me back to work. We stood up and I took her in my arms again and kissed her on the forehead.

“You know I love you,” came out of my mouth with not a hint of nerves.

“I know.” she replied and gave me a squeeze.

“I want to kiss you.”

“No, no, no” she said in languorous tones, her head now resting against my chest again.

“Just one?” I added, feeling the moment slip away as my heart raced.

“No” was her quiet response.

“OK”

And we were done. The mood lightened as we moved around the apartment getting her ready to get outside for some fresh air. I had taken my shot, state my case, and she gave me her answer gently, but firmly.

This is not a dramatic story. It was quiet and short. I told her, aloud for the first time, of my feelings for her, which didn’t cause her to run screaming from the room, but didn’t make her swoon either. Feeling vulnerable has it’s place, and yesterday it didn’t pay off. But I’m glad I said it, I will miss her as I change situations and we drift inevitably in different directions. But I said it, I asked, I was bold, as s friend tells me to be. And I’m glad she knows.

Do we stop now?

2011-12-15T21:00:00.000-08:00

OK, i think i'm done. I've just found Panda Porn.

Wild sex to award a hero panda brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

Who knew?

http://pandafuck.com/

What do I fear - #1

2011-12-15T12:25:00.000-08:00

What do I fear?

I fear that, when I leave this job, my world will shrink to a small street in a suburban town that is more concerned with the weeds in the sidewalks than the presidential elections and environmental reform.

I fear losing touch with England, France, Italy, Canada, Australia, Brazil, Argentina, Peru, Ireland, and all the states here in the US. I'm afraid I will only talk to friends in person, and not the many wonderful friends I know and love on on-line, including the ones I haven't listed here (I'm writing quickly).

I want my world to stay open to new thoughts, new people, and new sensations.

I do not want to live in a small world.

Partron of the Arts

2011-12-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

Work is slowing down. Today I had my meeting with HR where the told me about my severance package and gave me some paper's to sign. I'm starting to schedule my last round of lunches with friends and i said goodbye to the owner of my favorite burger place. As work shifts to transitional work instead of new work, i find my mind wandering. And that is a dangerous thing to do....

These are all pretty tame since I'm on the company network, now, if I unplug after lunch and get on the outside network....

As a man who enjoys beautiful women and painting, here's a bit that combines them both...
Would you do this for a special occasion?

While I was surprised to see YouTube allowing nude models, I love the background of this class. The students are using full sized chalkboards for working. What a great idea. How many times do you feel restricted by small 8.5 x 11 sheet of paper when trying to draw a beautiful naked woman?

This ad was just strange, until I realized it was perfect for all of my friends who are in to just this kind of thing, and I think that includes most of you.

Twilight for Guys - An awesome movie experience

TMI - Please RSVP

2011-12-13T05:51:00.000-08:00

Questionable Invitations

An invitation that's basic and to the point

1. You have been invited to a lingerie party at the Playboy Mansion.

Do you accept? - Hell Yes!

What do you wear? – I wore my best suit, a new tie, clean underwear and a new pair of shoes. I’ve actually been to a party at the Playboy mansion. The women were beautiful, the men handsome, the drinks flowed freely (all the Orange and Cranberry juice I could drink). I met three bunnies, all dressed, and got a picture with 2 of them on my friend’s camera, which she “lost” soon after the party. We were there for her work in the fashion industry. It was fun to attend a party at such a cultural landmark, but the security was tight, too tight to do anything fun. As I took my picture with Ms. March or Ms. June, or whatever, they were managing the line and telling people to keep their hands on the model’s lower back. No ass grabs for the picture allowed. It was fun and sexy, but very well managed, tightly controlled, and choreographed to the letter.

2. (for women) You have been invited to a private dinner at Godfather’s Pizza by Herman Cain. – I’d go, as a guy, and ask him how a black man got to be the head of Godfather’s Pizza and why he was so dumb as to not have dealt with his past before he ran for president. I miss him in the race.

(for men) The wife of a Fortune 500 CEO, reputed to have had extramarital relationships, invites you to a private dinner when the husband is out of town.

Do you accept? - Of course I accept.

Why or why not?

I need someone to fund the development of 3D poodle-porn popcorn popper, or 3D4P for short. I’m also intrigued how she got my name and number and why she wants to have dinner with me. Does she read my blog? Has she seen me in the mailroom of her husband’s business? Which kidney does she want to steal for her aging husband?

3. Charlie Sheen (for women) or Your favorite female porn star (for men) is making a movie in the city where you live. You happen to meet him/her, and he/she suggests you stop by his/her hotel for a drink?

Do you go? – I would love to have a drink with Charlie Sheen. #1 question, WTF DUDE??? Why did you ruin my favorite show be leaving that douche bad non-actor cheating prick Ashton Kutcher in charge? After I had beaten him in to a puddle of dripping tiger blood, I’d go bang his to porn star girlfriends.

I’ve met/seen a few porn stars in person and most of them are pretty skanky and scary looking, but if I could hang out with Allison Angel or this chick (I was going to put in a link here, but I hear my family stirring and my privacy bubble is about to burst), I might be convinced to kiss a little after the hotel door closes.

4. Your boss (of the opposite sex) who has been very flirty with you insists that when you’ve finished a project by working late or on a weekend you bring it by his/her house immediately?

Do you go?

No. – The idea of my boss, current or past, being flirty with me turns my stomach in such an obscene way that I may never be able to eat again. Current boss is a 5’4” (in both directions), ball of snorts, mouth-breathing, and ADD. She can’t pay attention for 4 minutes. I HATE going out to lunch with her because it’s like watching a retarded bull dog eat peanut butter while fighting a runny nose. I know I shouldn’t use the word “retarded” any more. Comparing my boss to a retarded person is an insult to retarded people all over the world. If I had to see her answer the door naked, or in anything less than a body-length Kevlar vest, I would run to the hotel ice machine and sit bare-assed in the ice bin to get my junk to shrivel up and hide so she can’t get her hands on it.

If it were my previous boss, yes, I would go.

Do you go alone or take a friend along? – Yes. I need someone to videotape me pushing her over the balcony. The committee for the Nobel Peace prize would need proof that I actually killed the only terrorist worse than bin Laden.

5. You’re working on a political campaign. Late one evening, you get a call from the campaign manager saying the candidate (of the opposite sex) would like to see you right away in his/her hotel room.

Do you go?

Sarah Palin – Yes,

Michelle Bachman – Yes.

Hillary Clinton – NO, No, NO. See above answer.

Do you tell someone you are going there or keep it a secret? – If Ms. Bachman/Palin wants to have a little break from their hickville homophobic husbands, who am I to complain? As and upstanding Republican I would do them missionary style while singing the national anthem and nailing them until they were red and blue (or maybe a really dark pink), and then I’d cover that all with a creamy white.

What do you wear? – My Jon Stweart Mask, of course. They like strange.

Bonus: What’s the best invitation you’ve received? Why is it memorable?

AB invited me in to her Victoria’s Secret changing room.
It was the first time she escalated our relationship without prompting from me

Kathy asked me to help her get dressed and do her hair for a big date (with me)
She NEVER let me see her do her make-up until then. Trust is incredibly sexy.

Angela held out her hand and invited me into her living room by the big fireplace.
She taught me that soft gentle pressure was a wonderful sensation for the both of us.

Three wonderful bloggers have extended intensely personal and greatly appreciated invitations to visit their fine cities, and one asked just what would happen if I happened to get a plane ticket. I don’t think my heart has every pounded so hard., or if I ever considered an answer so carefully.

Funny Monday

2011-12-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

OK, to be honest, I've been a bit blase about writing all weekend. I haven't even tried until this morning on the bus and the only thing that came out of my stuffy little fingers was a depressing recap of my Houston trip (except for a lovely dinner with a friend), so I couldn't bring myself to post it. So, I did the next best thing, I got to work, hookedin into our unfiltered vendor network, and looked for something to make me laugh.

You have probably all seen this, but I hadn't and it cracked me up.

As I was searching, and most of my searches started with http://www.si.com/ and then just went from there, I ran across a web-site that used to be the hottest thing around. They still have pretty women in pretty poses, but I just never go there anymore...

For those still not ready for Christmas, here are some Christmas Card ideas...

I don't talk about it a lot, but I was a pretty good athlete in high school, but as with any sport, it's all about the fans.

So, what should I say about Houston?
1 - No she didn't write back. Not a call, e-mail, text, or poke. Her sister and I are still friends but I didn't even ask about her. What's done, is done, and let laying dogs lie, and don't punch a gift horse in teh mouth, and what goes around comes around so make sure you have a tissue to clean-up, or whatever.

2 - I got to see 90% of the people I wanted to see and said good bye and got promises that they would write a reference for me on LinkedIn.

3 - My boss was out of town so I didn't need to have that awkward, "Well, um, sorry I had to fire you" conversation.

4 - I had a wonderful dinner with a friend of mine. She knows my situation, I know heres, and it was great to share good food, great conversation, lots of laughter, and a warm hug at the end.

5 - I flew home with a beautiful blonde in the seat next to me. Great hair, long legs, a nice smile, and oh, yea, she was 16 years old, so I helped her with her math homework and then ignored her for 2.5 hours. :-) Besides, her dad was about 6'2" and chiseled like a freaking statue, so going to jail in a body cast was a definate possibility....

As I got off the plane and hailed a Taxi to take me to my car at the office, I got a bit misty as I realized anew that those people are gone for the most part. E-mails will be exchanged and I'll add a few of them to the Christmas card mailing list, but it's not like we are going to ever see each other again. That part is sad, but inevitable. So a chapter closes and we move on.

On an upbeat note, it's raining today, traffic was horrible, and I'm in no mood to write up all the work I did in Houston. But I better get to it. Have a great Monday!

and, what the heck, in honor of the rain...

Linda in monsoon rain brought to you by RedTube - Home of free porn videos

FFF - Fresh Roast Roasted

2011-12-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

I rolled over and hit my head on a side table that didn’t exist the night before and tripped over shoes I didn’t own and landed on carpet that was not mine. I staggered to feet I could not feel and looked for pants I could not find. The smell of burnt coffee just added to the problem

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun came through the window and danced off the large copper bowl on the wall. It played across her face as if the sun, the window, the bowl, and the air were designed to make her even more beautiful. She sipped heat from her ever-present mug. Every kiss tasted of warmth and spice, and her skin smelled of dry roast overdone, burnt to bring out the bitter edge she kept well hidden. She ran down our schedule, tourist traps, beaches, a small museum shop for Christmas presents, and dinner at her ex-girlfriend’s home to start the holiday. She moved about the hodge-podge kitchen and stirred up eggs and Banana Chia pancakes. Every day was a new flavor with her, and I could barely take it in. She smiled and put her foot on the stove, showing herself under the simple robe. She set down her coffee and extended her hand, “I think we have time before we go.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not a lot of commentary today as this post is already late in coming up. I wrote the first ditty as i was falling asleep in the hotel room, waking up at 3:17 to roll off my laptop and shut everything down, glad that it hadn't been deleted by my hip.

She seems happy in the pictures, up early for coffee and breakfast, but present enough to brush out her beautiful long hair and get a fresh flower from the bouquet on the porch. She smiles, knowing that she has a full day planned or her visitor who finally accepted the offer of a plane ticket and a holiday.

Get over to the home of FFF and get to reading, and better, sign up for next week and get to writing!

Athlete Extraordinaire...

2011-12-08T06:00:00.000-08:00

Are you really going to tell me that strippers aren't athletes?

Wednesday's Waiting

2011-12-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

I've been telling my friend that, when I'm out of workin January, that I'm going to be painting parts of my house and working in the wood shop. But seriously, I think this painting project would be a lot more fun.

SuperSCAR/Roustan Body Paint from Roustan on Vimeo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And, for those of you who are keepign track at home, I have NOT heard from my Houston friend here at work. She's had all weekend, Monday, and yesterday to respond, so I'm done worrying about it. All of my memories of her are wonderful and so we will leave it at that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hooters, for all its wonderful tackiness, was the perfect place for dinner last night. It wax Sexy Santa Tuesday and they certainly lived up to their name. Nothing makes a salad better than saucy on the side.

The waitresses there, the good ones, a a little like strippers (in a good way). They have great people skills, they are fun and flirty, they get you to stay longer than you planned, spend more money than you should, and send you hope with your ego pumped up just a little bit, even if it's all just make-believe. But isn't that what Santa is all about? The hope that we get a special package under the tree?

And yes, for those who are wondering, she knows I took her picture, in fact, I e-mailed it to her... :-)

It never made sense in the first place

2011-12-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Stop everything else, and watch this film. you will not regret it.
If your parent's graduated high school in the 80's, this will bring you closer together.
If you graduated during that time yourself, remember just how cool over-sized suits really were.
If this is just "crazy kids music," then, maybe you should find another blog.

Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense from Karsten Elmer on Vimeo.
—————————

1. If you were a car, which one would you be? What are some of your best features?

        Maybe this guy. Works hard, gets around, knows what he's doing, but would rather get paid than noticed. Best features, never gets lost, but admits it when he does, and the best part of his day is picking up beautiful women who give him money.

2. If I gave you an elephant where would you hide it?

         I would hide it here. Dressed as a lion tamer in wheel chair with a mirrored contact lens, I'd finally fit in to my favorite commercial.



3. Finish this sentence: Tomorrow I absolutely refuse to….

        Chicken Out - I sent her the e-mail, and if she responds, I'm going to go see her, and if she lets me, I'm going to kiss her the way I should have kissed her three years ago. but don't worry, she's not going to.

4. What is the longest period of time that you’ve gone without a shower?

        If you count camping, then it wold be 9 days unless swimming counts as "bathing." Over Thanksgiving week I went 3 1/2 days without showering just because of weird schedules and activities (mostly outside). As a kid I discovered that jerking off in the shower was the best place ever. No one could hear you, and the mess cleaned itself up. I was the cleanest kid in school.

5. What is the silliest prank you ever played on someone?

I don't do pranks. I killed a man once, he didn't think it was that funny though.

Bonus: What is the best piece of gossip that you heard recently?

That CJ is NOT getting laid off with the rest of us, but has cut a deal with Finance to stay on for a few months, but the joke's on him, their project is going to tank soon. Because, well, CJ's going to be in charge of it. Oh, and I heard that the hot guy from security is gay. I'm not sure if the rumor is true, but his boyfriend thinks it is, so I may believe it.

————-

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Superseded.

2011-12-05T09:23:00.000-08:00

Superseded.

I sing in my church choir. When you are done laughing, you may continue....

Our director is a great guy, very nice, enthusiastic, sincere about his faith, and picks good music, though we repeat some of his favorites too often. OK, no big deal. He's a volunteer, we aren't that good, and few people put in the time and the energy, so I'm grateful he's doing it. However, he's going to miss a Sunday during December so our pianist will conduct while the old pianist plays.

He stood up and started and within 30 seconds I remembered, so THIS is what a real conductor is like. He's smart and funny and knows his music, and can sing more than just his part, and has ideas on phrasing an dynamics and actually teaches you to be a better singer. I get it now. The old guy has just been superseded in a major way.

A better, smarter, faster, leaner, younger, harder, longer, thicker, curvier, skinnier, older, younger... whatever, has just entered the building you you are fucked. Superseded. No longer required. Obsolete.

Sure, the old guy can do in a pinch, and if new guy's not around he'll be just fine and after a while you'll forget about the new guy, but you'll always know that you sang better when new guy was around. OK, now I know this is sounding a bit homoerotic, but both conductors are men, and I'm a men, and so, you know, the metaphor takes on a life of it's own.

But we all fear that moment, that time when we are no longer needed, we've been surpased, or we've dropped back in the pack to the land of pleasant memories and "Oh yea, I remember you."

This really isn't a sad post, it's just that I've been thinking as I discuss on-line relationships and romantic attachments and the like. We who live on-line are always 2nd to real-world relationships, or we aren't as witty as the next guy. And I do the same at times. Like a kid in a candy store, I'm looking out for the next sweet treat, until it no longer tastes good, or the sweet no longer wants to be eaten. (I crack myself up with such bad puns).

It's not even a bad thing all the time. We grow, we learn, we move on, we substitute experience for enthusiasm and we relax anr realize that, "Yes, I know what I'm doing, now leave me alone."

My Phone

2011-12-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

I love my phone. I love it. OK, I don't love the phone itself, it's a simple Blackberry by RIM, it does a great job getting corporate e-mails, the occasional text from a friend, pictures of trees that got blown over in my Dad's backyard, and lots and lots of reminders about stuff that I have really lost interest in doing... (Attending next month's planning meeting for a company I will no longer work for? No thanks.)

What I love is the miracle of the telephone and voice. Her voice, or her's, or her's. It's wonderful.

Today I had to discipline a friend for failing to complete a very simple instruction. Not pleasant, but important. She asked permission to call to make amends. What a beautiful request.

At the time of her e-mail I was dining with friends but needed a reason to leave so I told her to call. The call came in, I pointed at my phone in mock despair and gave the universal signal for "I have to take this call because it is way more important that you people who actually made the effort to physically gather together share a meal."

Luckily, we were at the end of lunch and it acted as the excuse we all needed to clear our table and start going back to work.

"What do you have to say?"

"I'm sorry"

"Sorry? For what?"

"I'm sorry for not following instructions."

“Do you have a good reason?”

“No, I fell asleep.”

“Then do you deserve your reward?”

“No”

“No…..what”

“No Sir.”

We then had a pleasant conversation about her day, the importance of obedience, the nature of life, and her latest workout at the gym.

Then, she stated her needs.

“I want to play.”

Her honestly in that statement made my pulse race and I waved my friends on up ahead. They were already confused by my side of the conversation for it wasn’t what I would say to my wife or kids, but, hearing only ½, they just rolled their eyes.

I walked along the quiet blocks of overpriced homes, careful not to trip over tree-lifted sidewalks or downed branches from the severe weather.

“Where are you?”

“On my bed.”

“Are you alone?”

“Yes”

“Spread…”

The power of voice, the ability to hold a 4-ounce slab of technology in your hand and share such intimacy gives great power to both parties. Separated by miles and time zones, the sound of her voice stirs me. The instructions are offered and followed, enjoyed, and shared back in shrieks and moans in an empty house.

She catches her breath and regains her speech, and we talk of weather and friends, and Christmas plans and trouble with life. I smile sweetly at the old woman, laden with a ½ gallon of milk and a few vegetables as she walks past me. Did she hear the words so wantonly used just moments before? Is her immigrant English good enough to understand the slang of pleasure and dominance? Will she go home and remove the aging khaki pants and relive the overheard conversation, or shake her head at the immorality of youth?

“Pull your knees up to your chest.”

We begin again.

Voice, instructions, compliance, questions, descriptions, breathless pleading and quiet permissions given.

The power of the phone, the voice, carries emotion that words will never carry. You can never type the intensity of a cry, the hiss of breath through clenched teeth, the sharp sting of a slap on wet flesh.

“NOW!”

She complies instantly and the signals speeds from her phone to the tower to the satellite to the nearest tower to my hand as I sit on the wall in the warm fall breeze and control her every move. I know within an instant that she is crashing through again, gasping, heaving, clenching on command to pure release.

I walk along, enjoying the time away from my desk, the bright sun, the singing birds, the soft roll of tires and the roar of engines as cars that match the cost of the homes drive by. Three men approach from behind. Do I keep talking and reveal the true nature of the call, or do I make chit-chat and preserve our privacy?

Chit-chat prevails and I learn of her schedule, the drama in her brother’s life, the need she has for a wax and a haircut before her company Christmas party. The men walk by and leave the range of my voice.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Good Girl, I have one more choice for you.”

“Yes?”

“One more now, or two this evening with an offering?”

“Both.”

Her needs thrill me.

Instructions are given, an offering is agreed to, a schedule defined. She will get her wish.

“Roll over…”

The power of voice.

God Bless, Alexander Graham Bell and Watson, and all the rest.

Thank you very, very, much.

Potpourri

2011-12-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

Potpourri, a mix of miscellaneous items.

So a few notes on a few things:

1 - December is starting off well. I started off the morning by teaching my cycling class and then hopping in the pool. In the lane next to me was a beautiful woman who came in to the jacuzzi after me. Usually I'd just smile, nod, and close my eyes, but I need to be fearless. So this morning, I said hi, introduced myself, complimented her on her cute bikini, found out her name, occupation, and social status, and then gave her a smile as we talked about work, the weather, and Christmas plans. She said she'd be in my next class week after my next business trip.

2 - The Good day continued as I went home. I'm working at home today and my wife asked if she should go for her walk or stay home "for something else." We chose option #2. I turned on the heating blanket while she showered and we spent a lovely 30 minutes. I tried to make it 45 min because her best looking friend was coming over to drop her kid for babysitting and I wanted an excuse to open the door in my robe. My wife, laughed, then told me to get dressed.

3 - Last month was my 2nd best month ever on my hit counter. I love all my readers and I hope I can make December just as interesting.

4 - I have one month left at my job. I had a mini-freakout during a cycle class the other day. I was on my bike, not teaching, just attending, and all these weird worries kicked in and I almost left class. I wondered if that was a glimmer, a sliver of what a panic attack must feel like. With only 20 working days left, it's starting to feel very real. And even thought I KNOW it's going to be a good thing, it's strange. In fact, as I write this, my forearms are tingling, freaky.

5 - I only have one more trip to Houston, and yes, I'm going to e-mail friend to ask if I can see her to say good-bye. Best case? I get a few minutes in her office to say how much I enjoyed knowing her and maybe a hug and a handshake goodbye. Worst case? She declines and I'm left with great memories of a friend that "might have been" more. But we all have those, right?

6 - I love Christmas music and I'm listening to it right now on my Pandora account. Wonderful stuff.

7 - One of the biggest challenges with being unemployed for a while is going to be eating well when I'm at home. I say this after making a big breakfast followed up by a few M&Ms and a handful of peanut butter pretzels. Danger Will Robinson!!!

8 - The weather outside, with apologies to my winter-based friends, it is beautiful today. Windy and warm, a little fall smell in the air, a great day for some outside time. I will be taking my lunch on the patio today if you don't mind.

9 - I have ordered a new smart phone and it should arrive any day now! I'm so very very excited.

10 - Oh!!!! And even better! I am going to see THIS!!!!!! It's only 5 months away and I'm buying tickets this weekend. Who wants to meet me there?

Cockold or Masochist

2011-11-30T10:52:00.000-08:00

I have friends, my friends have friends, lovers, owners, subs, and those friends have other friends.

And I like to hear about them all.

What does that make me? Am a simply a voyeur, or a cuckolded cyber-lover?

A friend called me an emotional masochist because I follow the blogs of women I fell in love with, yet they are with others and recount their affairs and adventures and I am at once saddened and aroused by their conquests. I, we, most/some/all of us watch from afar as others find love, sex, passion that we lack. Others look at us and wish for the family, job, home, or children that might be ours.

So why do I punish myself by reading her blog anymore, or hers, or his, when all he does is write stories about fucking her. I want to know. I'm a masochist and an emotional voyeur.

Tell me what you said...
Tell me how it felt...
Tell me what he did to you....

Tell me....

I will read every post you put up, and it will break my heart each time, but I'm never going away.
The pain is worth it.
And so are you.

Prospective Introspection

2011-11-28T16:11:00.000-08:00

I have to say THANK YOU to all the wonderful people who responded in comments in private about my "Sunday Sadness" post. Your sincere concern and statements of faith, and of comfort in non-belief, remind me of how many wonderful friends I have in blog-land.

The expressions of support are heartwarming and appreciated.

I also want to let you know that I'm not as depressed as I sound, but in admitting that, I have to admit other things. When I blog I try to get to the heart of the matter. The questions raised, both on Sunday and in other posts, are real and immediate to me as I'm writing them. This does not mean, however, that I am in crisis mode as I write. Because I follow wonderful writers, who write wonderful posts, I get to thinking and I get in to question mode.

This is where I start to question things, to say aloud the thoughts my lips cannot say in public, in front of church friends, my spouse, my family, my in-laws, pastor, priest, or therapist. My blog is a place for me to write uncensored blather at times, and in prospective introspection (PI). So what does “prospective introspection” mean?

It means I want to think crisis-level thoughts before they become a crisis. I want to anticipate what my thoughts might be before I need to think them. We teach this to kids, firefighters, and athletes all the time, we practice reacting to situations before they come up. I like to do this mentally, it keeps me out of trouble, and, when in trouble, I already know what to say.

For our kids, we call it role-play:

Do you want a cigarette? – No, I’m choosing not to smoke because it’s bad for me and I don’t want to smell like death for the rest of my life.

Do you want a beer? – No thanks, I don’t drink, but I’m glad you invited me to your party; does anyone need a ride home?

Wanna fuck? – Ewh, ick, are you kidding Mr. Penicillin man? (I have daughters)

The question of faith came up because another blogger admitted to questioning her own faith, so I start the PI. I think down the road, I anticipate the conversation with my wife, priest, and family.

Why don’t you go to church anymore? – It no longer meets my needs and I feel my priorities shifting.

Do you believe in God at all? – I’m not sure. If God is real, maybe I need to find a new way to relate to him/her/it.

Are you going to raise your kids in the church? – For now, yes, they find joy in their belief and I will not take that away from them, and I still believe that the moral code is well taught and I think it makes them better people.

I try to think this stuff through before the actual crisis comes up.

I don’t want my blogging to be seen as “Crying Wolf” emotionally. The friendship I get is sincere and I don’t want you to think that I’m writing to get a reaction or sympathy when none is needed at the moment.

When I write, I will always try to ask honest questions and share the thoughts that are running through my deranged little brain. I will also try to let you know if I’m really sad, or just if I’m just anticipating the sadness yet to come.